Why are there not more honest parents

Why are there not more honest parents

One thing I have really noticed since being a mother is how hard it can be. It’s not all sunshine’s and rainbows as people like to portray in their perfect little photos. Now more than ever I will scroll through my Facebook or Instagram and all I see is smiles and happiness when in fact I know full well behind the heavy filters and fake smiles is a kid who screams all day because he just feels like it and a parent at the end of her tether wondering what she ever did wrong to the kid.

I have always aimed to be an honest parent. Not only in my blog but on all social media platforms too. No matter if people judge me for my honesty i do it for the other mums. The mums who like me want to see the truth. Who want to see more photos of mums pouring them self a big glass of wine at the end of the day to try have some sort of happiness on those hard days. I want to see mums talking about their child’s tantrums, about how their child who drives them completely potty.

There is nothing more I hate then these parents who treat everything as a competition. Thinking their child is the best shiny trophy in their hall of fame and no other child will ever be as good. But have I got news for you. Your perfect child is perfect to you as my child is to me but I do not for a second believe my child is this angel because of my opinions or that I need to put my child above others. All children are equal and they all have tantrums at some point. If you’re lucky enough to have a mellow child look out because one day it will come. Until then don’t be an ass and only talk about how great your child is. Also don’t be that braggy and comparing mum.Nobody cares about your child reaching a milestone a day earlier then your friends child.

I want to hear about your sleepless nights, your child throwing their dinner against your white walls and carpet, I want to relate to you. I want to know that your just like me. Like I’m not alone in this world. I want to know that it’s normal to have a sob once a week because your child has relentlessly misbehaved because you perhaps didn’t let them have cake for breakfast or something equally as stupid as jump off a sofa face first.

I want you to know it’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to shout sometimes. It’s okay to feel stressed. You are not alone. Every other parent goes through this even if they don’t admit it. You’ve got this mama!

Hang in there because one day when they’ve moved out you might actually get to finish a hot drink or have a conversation that doesn’t relate back to your kids at some point!

Dms are always open for a moan about your kid I’m listening! I know you love your kid and accept that they’re little balls of anger. You are not a bad mum. What you see on the internet is not the whole picture. A second of the days does not compute someone’s whole day and what goes on behind that camera screen.

I’m always here, Charlie x

Guest post by @alifetwintastic- A new routine:

Guest post by @alifetwintastic- A new routine:

Ellie is a mum of three from Gloucestershire, UK. A wannabe perfect housewife, to-do list checker and mental health advocate with dreams of a healthy lifestyle, unburnt cookies and mini adventures. Find out more at alifetwintastic.blog here.

I’m usually all about the routine. It’s embedded into my DNA. The need for structure and organisation. To know what’s coming next and to feel a sense of control. Routine has served me well in the past {hello baby twins} but as with all things, life changes and routines adapt.

When the boys were babies I quickly realised in order for me to survive {mentally} I greatly needed some stability and control in the way of a routine. This worked to a certain extent and it got me through that seemingly impossible first year but not without sacrifice. I became highly set on our schedule, blinkers on and my anxiety at an all time high. I struggled to see past the next job on our list and became irritable and stressed when the routine was messed with {including snapping at my mum in the car one day when I was trying to get the boys to nap}. Having the boys in the same routine was my coping mechanism. Being a first time mum of twins and being naturally inclined to like control and structure caused a huge wrecking ball type effect.

It’s hard to admit it but those days were dark. Postnatal depression crept in. Not accepting any kind of help, feeling like a failure and distraught

With Penny I have always been more relaxed. Be it being a second time mum, a single baby or her generally chilled personality. I don’t know. Again probably all of these things. Penny’s start to life was anything but straightforward. Almost constant morning sickness throughout my pregnancy, a breech baby, emergency c-section, diagnosis of hip dysplasia and subsequent Pavlik harness and then CMPA. But these things didn’t phase me in the same way as they probably would have done the first time round. Don’t get me wrong it was hard. There were dark days but overall the whole experience was much more relaxed and enjoyable.

We have never had Penny in any kind of routine. She woke up when she liked, slept when she liked and fed on demand. She fitted in with our lives as younger siblings do. As a result we were all a lot calmer and relaxed. She made her own daily routine and adapted it when needed. I felt like I could read her better and knew what she needed. This is not to say things were easy. Another bout of postnatal depression hit but this time I was more accepting of it. I accepted help more readily and didn’t blame myself in the same way.

Fast forward to today and I still have a strong sense of routine {on paper} however my mindset has shifted in recent years. Be it an age thing, a family thing or personal growth – probably a mixture of a lot of things. The boys have just turned 5 and P is in full toddlergedon mode. We are in the midst of a National pandemic which has seen us basically locked up at home for the past 7 weeks.

This is a time of surviving and supporting. People are putting their health at risk to keep the majority of us safe. Routines have changed. For us it’s been a time of stepping back and slowing down. Time to spend with our little family and letting the days merge into one. No alarms set. No set bedtime. No real routine. There has still been work and homeschooling but everything seems to have slowed down and relaxed. Increased flexibility it will be hard to let go of when life gets back to normal. Different ways of connecting and supporting one another. Retreating into our bubble and taking time out from being constantly busy. A taste of what life could be. Maybe not all the time but certainly some of it. Time out. A new normal. A new routine. 

Ellie xx

www.alifetwintastic.blog Instagram: @alifetwintastic

www.alifetwintastic.blog Instagram: @alifetwintastic

It’s good to get away

It’s good to get away

Being a parent it’s okay to get away sometimes. To have some me time every now and then as a couple. We went to London to see a show for my birthday and was the furthest we’ve been away from him. A whole two hours. Compared to the most of half hour it felt a bit odd. But it also felt like freedom. It felt like a bit of our old life, the parts I miss such as adventure. Not that we cannot adventure now we have a child but we are more hindered in activity’s and distance and time. For example there’s only so long his little legs will walk before he’s tired and needs a carry while out for a country side walk.

It’s good to dust of the cobwebs and have the freedom to have some us/me time. To see a show or just walk around somewhere you don’t have to knock someone with a buggy out the way. Where time constraints aren’t hindering your fun and you can just relax on the day. It’s important for relationships to try and have we time then all of us time. So nobody feels neglected and to always remember you’re still a couple too, you’re not just parents and you both want dates and adult conversations. You both need a break together sometimes not just one of you but both of you. Sometimes we forget our partners need time of and that they also miss you too.

Although being a family is one of the best things and a beautiful experience sometimes it is good to get away and enjoy things again as a two some and return to family life and enjoy it that little but more having time away.

Do we want another pet?

Sometimes the idea of another pet really tempts me. After all we now own our own house and require no permission to get any sort of animal we’d like now. But do we want a pet now?

We’ve had two pets together since living together and although we’ve loved both of them we had to give one away. Milo our African Pygmy hedgehog was rehomed to a new home after being so hard to look after with a newborn. Check out my previous post on my hedgehog for more info why. So with that being said we aren’t really looking for something that doesn’t give us love and affection and is hard work. We had a Chinese dwarf hamster named pebbles optimus prime Hazelwood and he survived 4 long years! Pebbles was such a loving little guy and we didn’t mind cleaning him out as he would sit on us as we cleaned him out and loved being held and wasn’t really hard work to look after. One day I may get Elijah a hamster if he decides that’s what he wants.

I used to have a dog and my family all have dogs and I miss having something to cuddle with on the sofa. There’s nothing like the companionship of a dog. Going for walks with Elijah and the dog would be lovely and Elijah having a little friend to get into trouble with is just lovely. I loved being a child growing up with dogs and chasing them around and looking after them too. James has never had a dog but absolutely adores dogs.

I think when Elijah is in school we will get a dog. Because dogs take a lot of work and I don’t want Elijah climbing all over them upsetting them at such a young age and would like to be able to train it and have the time. I want Elijah to understand animals and how to respect them. I want to have a pet when we’re ready and not make the decision on a whim. When we’re ready we’ll do it but for now our family of three is complete.

Don’t fear the smear.

Don’t fear the smear.

Today I went for my first smear test and it went swimmingly. I was in the room five minuites and carried on with my day. Here’s some reasons why you shouldn’t fear the smear.

First of all it takes seconds. Literal seconds the woman was in and out within one minute maybe even less. It doesn’t hurt, it feels odd but it doesn’t hurt. It’s not awkward, the doctors /nurses do not give a thought to whether you’ve shaved your legs or trimmed your lady garden because trust me they’ve seen worse and will see worse. You are given privacy to get undressed and dressed and something to place over your body. You are entitled to a chaperone if you’d prefer (this normally is not friends or family but another nurse). You get checked to see if you could have a type of virus that causes cancer. You could save your life going. It’s free in the uk and many other country’s have to pay.

What happens at the smear you may ask? Well it’s starts of by signing in at reception. You sit and wait to be called. Don’t worry nobody knows or cares why you’re there. The nurse or doctor will call you through. You will talk general chit chat and they will take your name, date of birth and address for the sample/results. They will explain the procedure if you would like them too. They will pull a curtain around the bed and allow you to get undressed bellow your waist and put these on the chair next to you. You will have a sheet layer out to cover your lap as you lay down. You call the nurse/doctor when your ready. They will instruct you how to position yourself and don’t be afraid to chat during. They’ll insert the speculum which can feel weird. They’ll use a long brush like a long cotton bud to scrape your cervix. Then they will take it out and put in pot and remove speculum. They leave you to get dressed and when your ready come out. And that’s it done.

My top tips for having a smear test.

  • Don’t be afraid.
  • Wear a dress or skirt so you can keep your dignity if you like me don’t want to show everything. In autumn/winter wear tights. You can obviously wear what you want but if you want it over and done with quickly and have a little bit of added dignity for yourself this is what i recommend.
  • Get childcare if you can. It’s easier for everyone if you can relax and the professional can concentrate.
  • You can choose whether you have a man or woman if you like. Only if it is asked for in advance.
  • Wear a sanitary towel. Some woman bleed after. Not because they’re injured it’s just because they do sometimes, better to be safe than sorry.
  • Do not have sex 24 hours before the test.
  • If you are on contraceptives or have had anything done or looking in your vagina tell the doctors first to see if suitable to have test. My first test was cancelled as I had to have my coil removed two weeks before my smear.
  • Nobody cares if you’ve shaved or not but if your worried about it just do it.
  • Research first if your worried about what will happen.
  • Ask questions.

My results will take 2-3 weeks and I’ll receive them in the post. Till then I remain optimistic and whatever will be will be. So don’t fear the smear I know it’s easier said than done but if 60 seconds of laying still could save your life then do at least try.

Parent shaming and why you shouldn’t do it.

Parent shaming and why you shouldn’t do it.

Here’s a blogpost I wrote on my old blog which I wanted to share on my new blog as I think it’s important. Parent shaming!!


Nothing boils my blood more. Example… you’re eating your dinner and a child has a little hissy fit. The child is one and can not control or understand their emotions, their parents are visibly stressed out that they are causing a scene they try everything they possibly can, toys, snacks, drinks, songs and sometimes their phones ( just because they get their phone out does not mean it’s all their kid does is watch tv and phones no some parents just use it to distract them as a treat). But you sit there loudly moaning about that child. You comment on the parenting and rip them apart and end with the child’s a spoilt little pain in the ass which is not true.
Let me educate you. You where a child. You cried the same you where a pain in the ass. You’re parents also didn’t do that great of a job to teach you how to be a decent human being to not over look that a baby is being a baby and ruining your experience in a family pub where there will obviously be children if there’s a high chair somewhere. And that parent is stressed they feel awfull, you don’t know what sort of day they’ve had or what’s happening. Today I was that parent who was ripped apart as my child screamed because he was in pain. Not hungry, not being a little pain in the neck. He was in pain we learn after he was quite unwell which required a trip to the doctors and admissions into the hospital and X-rays. I tried to calm him down whilst also leaving him with his dad so I could call the doctors to get a appointment while we finished our dinner as he looked quite unwell while we where eating while you also picked me apart for that. Then you had the nerve to smile as I left as if you haven’t spent the whole time moaning about my child because he gave you his biggest grin and said goodbye to you and you realised he is just a poor adorable little baby.
My point being before you judge a mum or dad for how they parent or their child having a breakdown just think how stressed they may be and how exhausted they are of the constant criticism. Have a bit of compassion and remember the world is bigger than you and while some (not all) parents try their absolute best to not be loud and try to calm their child to create a enjoyable experience for all whilst also teaching them manners and how to act in public it is bloody hard work and don’t need you tearing them down.
Rant over.

How going from being a working mum to a stay at home mum has affected me.

How going from being a working mum to a stay at home mum has affected me.

I never thought in a million years I’d give up work. I’ve always been a driven woman wanting to do my bit for the community but also get paid and have a ok living from it. That was until I had a child and even then I wanted to work. I wanted to be a good roll model I wanted to show I could do it, I could work and be a mum but it became impossible.

Childcare was difficult I had to rely on nursery two days a week as childcare and if Elijah was unwell I still had to pay the bill and take unpaid leave from work. It seemed he was always getting ill and with no alternative childcare I had to take unpaid or it was lucky I was on annual leave while he was ill. I had to keep taking leave as I had no flexibility to rearrange childcare to work different days so. In the end the pay wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth the stress of the job and the guilt of working for so little. I left mainly because of the stress and how it effected my mental health and I have to say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

I’m not saying run out there and quit your job because that would be silly. If it’s something you want to think about and discuss with your partner then do so but it’s not a decision to make lightly. We had always said one day I would stop working and it just came at a good time really.

James is self employed so he can go out and earn more money. As I left work James was in the process of taking on a lot of work and because I stopped working that meant James could start and finish earlier getting more jobs and more money. He was no longer doing the nursery run and was also visibly less stressed from not having to sit a car for a hour and half a day. We are financially better off. James has full flexibility now as I’m home to watch Elijah and it’s made such a big impact.

My mental health is miles better. I’m no longer on the edge waiting for something to push me off. I still have down days but they’re nothing like they used to be. I don’t stress about made up situations and scenarios in my head about work. I don’t worry about money. I don’t worry I’ll get fired if I or my son feels ill and can be there for my family when they are ill. I don’t have too much to worry about.

My relationships are better. I have more time to see my friends and too talk and I also communicate through texts more. My friendships are stronger than ever and I’ve even made more friends. My conversations are no longer me staring off into distance as I’m stressed wanting to leave because I’m exhausted and don’t have the mental strength to maintain or care about anything said to me. I’m able to fully input into a conversation and have some positive things to add into a situation. My family ties are stronger as I’m not so stressed, I’m not uptight as much and enjoy being in my family’s presence and making more time for it.

My family life is better. I feel like a mother. Not a part time care giver. I spend everyday with him now and have gone from sometimes not seeing him for 24 hours to not missing a thing. I’m not exhausted from work anymore so I have the energy to chase Elijah around, to play and teach him. I take him out more and it’s positive for both of us. It’s now we bond and learn together having fun every step of the way. Me and James’s relationship grows stronger everyday. For some reason I’ve found James is less stressed with me home. I thought it would be the opposite but he tells me it’s better and he doesn’t want me to work as he likes it. The house is tidy when he comes home now or little bits need doing so we have more us time. When Elijah goes to bed at 7 we have all night so we have more time to relax. We will watch a movie or tv series and cuddle on sofa, play a game or James will do work stuff at the table and I’ll read my kindle talking every now and then. Where was before we’d normally zone out and do our own stuff as I’d get home at 8 sometimes earlier and have to still do the clean up and cook and shower. I’d be exhausted and just flop onto the sofa with my phone and spend my perhaps hour of rest before bed ignoring life. We had breakfast together which used to be nice but it turned into a hulk it down so I could get ready for work while James got Elijah ready. Now we have time to be a family and sit down together it’s rare we don’t eat together now. James gets to come home and relax and we relax together. He still helps here and there but I try to get most of the work done and if we’re both exhausted I’ll offer to wash up the next day. The nicest thing is we talk more and on his days off have family time where we are all present in the moment not exhausted and thinking of other things.

The households more maintained. I have time to keep the house tidy and not just clean. I have time and energy to do decorating with James when we want to. The thought before of using my crucial time of to paint a wall made me feel physically sick. I cook more nutritious meals from scratch. I plan ahead and I’m now organised. We enjoy our home more than we used too. We also go out more too and have more guests over as I’m not embarrassed by my house.

My health is improved as I look after myself more. I don’t binge eat at work on lunch breaks from the chippy or Chinese with a dessert of chocolate every time I’ve had a shit day. I take time to look after myself. I have time to exercise. To take my tablets on time, to eat right and to be able to have time to relax and have a self care/ skin care regime too.

I do however miss my work. I miss colleagues and having a laugh with the girls. I miss having a career. I miss having somewhat a important role. I miss learning and adapting to change. I miss having me time on the way home from work and my lunch breaks. I miss being Charlie when everyone didn’t just ask about Elijah, they asked about me. I miss feeling proud to be a mum making her own money.

I don’t like asking for money. Christmas is going to be hard for me as I don’t want to ask for money to buy James his own presents. I feel degraded and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. James doesn’t mind but I hate relying on someone else and it gets me quite uptight. I also get defensive if I’m told no because I can’t just get it with my own money now. Rarely I’m told no btw and I’m not a gold digger so calm down If that’s what you where thinking.

My tired is a different tired. I’m exhausted from a child that takes every inch of my energy. He’s demanding as hell and although I love the time we spend together he can’t half be a pain in the ass.

I get lonely. If I don’t have plans for a few days in a row I get lonely. Even with Elijah I feel alone and like I have no friends even though I know I do. I also get bored easily and want to do something different all the time.

I hate the stigma that comes with being a stay at home mum. It’s like all the years of working have been for nothing. It’s like your worthless because you’ve decided to stay at home and look after your family. People don’t respect you. They think your lazy and have life easy. Having done both, working and staying at home I can say working was easier sometimes and work stops motherhood doesn’t. There’s no home Time when things get tough or calling in sick because you’re having a bad mental health day or chucking your guts up. There’s no lunch break and nobody to help.

Overall I am lucky to be given the opportunity to stay at home and to have such a loving, hard working husband to provide this life for us all. Sometimes I miss working, sometimes I don’t but for now it’s been the best decision we’ve made.

Feeling guilty for having me time.

Feeling guilty for having me time.

Something I’d never thought I’d have is guilt for is having me time. As Elijah gets older his grandparents want him for the day more and it also gives me a little bit of a break to recharge. Although I need the time to destress, breath and normally clean the house there is always a element of guilt. I’m unsure why I feel guilty he’s having fun with family and he’s always asking do go to his nanny’s and grandads houses.

I think mainly it comes from other mothers complaining they don’t get a break ever. I feel bad for those mothers who never get a break as it can be quite healthy to have some me time and your child be it’s own person elsewhere too. It’s different then when you work and child has to be looked after but if I’m just sitting there having a cup of tea or catching up with friends I feel guilty. I also feel guilty because I feel like a bad mum, I feel like I’m abandoning him.

The days leading up till him going elsewhere I’m like bon voyage! See you soon! Especially when he’s on the floor rolling around because I won’t share a kit kat with him. But on the day he’s gone when I’ve woken and he has gone with his dad to his nanny’s I feel quite empty and out of place. I wonder if I’m a bad mum for sending him away does he think I don’t love him? Then I remember it’s silly to think these things and he is perfectly okay and always comes back trying to tell me what he’s done today! I think there’s a bit of stigma too to expect a child to be secured to your hip 24/7 when you can never be your own person anymore. You’re expected to give up every minute of your life having a child. It’s good to have time off because it allows you to be yourself again outside of a mum capacity even if you’re slobbed out on sofa with a cup of tea watching friends.

Keeping organised.

Keeping organised.

Being a mum there’s nothing more stressful than trying to retain things like what day it is and your availability of the top of your head. I’ve found since having a kid I’m a bit more organised and able to structure my life a bit better without planning to see someone and forgetting. I owe it all down to my new organisation.

My favourite thing is my diary. Until a few months ago I was rechecking texts to remember when I was seeing people and getting mixed up stressing myself out in the process. I brought myself a lovely diary which has lots of space. I have a big part for each day and then 4 small boxes on the next page to write things I could be doing or have planned also. What I do is write my day and evening plans and then in a box sometimes cleaning jobs I need to do and then in a box meal prep and what’s for dinner. My diary also has a convenient reminders check list at the side of each week so I can write what I need to do each week and tick it off. Very handy when needing to call doctors, run an Errand or a reminder to pick something up in town. The diary also comes with a month overview so I can write clearly where I am so I don’t have to look through weeks to find the dates which I think is so handy. My diary makes me feel safe. It shows me I’m actually quite busy and have friends and am loved. It shows me I do a lot around the house when I think I’ve done none.

I also have a large quantity of notebooks. My favourites are magnetic ones I keep on fridge for writing shopping lists and quick reminders. I love my menu planner which I think is really good for reminding me what meat to get out, what to buy for shopping and have a routine that is not the same grub every night .

Having a family Callander can be good too. If one of us want to do something we write on diary that way if one of us want to go out with friends childcare’s left with the other person so no arguements. However James forgets to read and has several times booked to do things on days I’ve got a paid for show or reunion to attend that’s been planned for months.

I really find that keeping organised has really helped me and my life to stay on track recently and gives me a lot of comfort when organising. I feel on top of myself and writing to do lists can really help my mind and make me stop being anxious and focus on a task. I get satisfaction crossing things I’ve done out and adding new things to my diary and note books makes me feel as though I have a life when sometimes I feel I don’t.

A introduction to me.

A introduction to me.

Hello, for the benefit of you very lovely people on my blog/Wordpress I thought I’d introduce myself. The face behind my blog and life with the Hazelwoods! My name is Charlie-Jane and I am 24, I live in Suffolk with my little family. My son Elijah and his dad, my husband James. I’ve worked in healthcare and community care for many years and learnt a lot of things. I like to think one of those things is to try and be a good human being no mater how hard that may be. I’ve recently decided (with James wanting it too) to become a stay at home mum. James has very kindly decided he will be the working parent while I raise our son at home. While I miss working and the excitement my job brought me sometimes I do truly love being a stay at home mum and house wife. Since staying at home I’ve really been able to find my hobby which is blogging and I am really starting to enjoy it. My blog is about anything that pops into my head really from recipes to being completely honest with how parenting has changed my life and things like my mental health. I feel things shouldn’t be filtered and people should be able to see more of the real life that other mums and people go through too. From my struggle with some of my illnesses too things we get up to everyday I’ll be blogging and I hope you’ll be joining, reading and getting involved as I’d love to meet other like minded individuals like me that have had enough of these blogs that have one specific genre and only show the perfect side of life. So stay tuned and click the follow button for more!