Being a stay at home mum – one whole year on.

Being a stay at home mum – one whole year on.

It’s no secret that after I had Elijah when he was about ten months old I returned to work. I was full of guilt and anxiety and I was riddled with stress from work too. When I stopped working it took away a bit of my identity and slowly I’ve been working to get my identity back. I don’t want to be known as just Elijah’s mum but Charlie too. A year ago I had officially left work and I look back with no regrets. Whilst I miss doing a job that gave me purpose at times I don’t miss the long days and being away from my family.

Now that it’s been a year my thoughts on me working have changed. At the moment as it stands it is financially better for me to not work. We do not take benefits or have any help just to clarify to those who think I just gave up my job and expected the state to pay. My husband funds everything. This was also a decision we spoke about and decided before anything was done.

Through me stopping work he has been able to earn way more than we earned collectively before I had Elijah and he is only getting more successful because I am at home. With me at home this means James doesn’t have to do the school/nursery runs and loose out on hours of work everyday. This means he’s able to work as early or as late as he wishes and we don’t need to worry about Elijah. Whilst Elijah will be starting nursery in January I will not be returning to work for now. Because nobody else can drop him off and pick him up and childcare is a big issue for us. Also if I went back to work it just wouldn’t really be logical aswell because with my career path I’d only want to work in healthcare again and the hours are nowhere near flexible which I learned before I left work. The issue would still remain most healthcare jobs need you to work 8-8 and that would mean again James doing the childcare run and I’d be on a crappy wage and we’d be worse of.

My view on stay at home mums has changed too. I invisioned it to be easy and happy. That I’d be doing all these fancy crafts everyday and baking everyday. But that was not the case. It was in fact draining mentally and physically. When you don’t have plans often you sort of fade into the darkness’s where everything’s a repeat and you feel like you’re on auto drive. I expected to have this perfectly clean house all the time but then reality hit. Sure my house was clean when I worked because I was never in it! Days off normally spent going out as a family or seeing friends so when I tidied up it was a quick and easy job. Now the house often looks like a bomb has hit it when I spend my day trying to survive and entertain a toddler who loves to make mess wherever he goes.

I underestimated what stay at home mums do too. Planning days out all the time trying to find new things to do so it’s not repeated is exhausting. There is only so much you can go for coffee before being bored of the activity. Not just entertaining your child out and about but also in the house is so hard. I’ll set up a activity I’ve spent ages thinking of and Elijah picks it up puts it down and walks of demanding something else.

There’s also a limit to how much I can teach Elijah before it becomes a chore. I try to spend a lot of the day teaching Elijah so we do learning games and play but sometimes I get so sick of repeating myself I want to rip my hair out. Like this is everyday. How many times can I repeat the same sentance before I turn insane.

There’s also the no escape from your child. One thing that lockdown has done is open peoples eyes to what stay at home parents really do. People really got sick of their kids crap and it showed. People understood what it was like to have no me time and children wanting their attention 24/7. They understood that silence was a thing of the past and you never get a moment to yourself even when they’re asleep you still tidy their crap up. There’s no escape and nowhere to send them if you need a time out so you just keep going hoping your head doesn’t explode with the stress at times.

However I try not to moan about my child too much there are elements I love. I love that I get this time with him and that I don’t have to share his milestones with others. I love watching him learn and knowing that I’ve taught him that. I love playing with him and making up games.

I love seeing him grow and watching how his mind works and grows with him. I love days where we have good days and we sit and play games nicely or cuddle on the sofa. I love that I am always there to wake him up and cuddle him before bed every night. I love that I’m always there to hear his stories and when he’s seen family for the day I get to be the one he tells me all about his time.

I like being able to be at home too and when I do housework around the house I enjoy it a bit more it’s not just a quick scrub ready to return to work where I’m cleaning the house at 10pm after being out 12 hours working and knowing I have the same the next day.

I’ve noticed a change in James too. He is more happy and likes not having to drop Elijah and pick Elijah up working silly hours and working twice as hard to get work done. He no longer has to come home and cook every single night and clean up all the time. I do not cook every night or clean everyday as we both understand that it’s our house and nobody’s responsibility to do everything.

I love that I’m able to see friends more and make more time for my hobbies. I. E this blog post I write now. I also love that I don’t have to miss out on a lot of things I used to aswell.

I also love the positive effect it’s had on my anxiety. I’m not full of stress and busy working all day making myself ill. I am able to concentrate on myself more and take more time for me and my self care. I take more care in my appearance and also in the relationships I have. I don’t hold on to toxic people anymore because I now am able to see my worth.

Although life can be hard and stressful as a stay at home mum I will always be thankfull to my husband for the opportunity. I know that when I’m older and look back on these hard times with fond memories of how perfect life really was.

Thanks for reading, Charlie x

Space masks review

Space masks review

So it’s no secret I have insomnia and basically lack any ability to relax some days so when I received a space mask in a recent beauty subscription box I was quite excited to try a new product. Of course it’s been raced about by a few celebs who I like so if course I was excited to give it a whirl so here’s my opinion.

First of all packagings quite nice this was a valentines special edition which is why it’s red. There’s nothing fancy but the colour so it’s quite plain but that’s not what the products about.

So what it does is heat when opened up so it creates a nice warm feeling on your eyelids which makes your eyes feel light and you relaxed. I’d say it worked for about half an hour staying warm and then cooled down. I quite enjoyed it as I haven’t experienced anything similar unless I’ve had a hot flannel on my eyes. My eyes felt lighter and I felt the tension leave that part of me and it did enable some relaxation. My eyes didn’t feel as puffy either and although there was no direct oils or products on me I did feel almost like my eyes where in a bit better condition. It enable relaxation after a while and my mind sort of went away at times.

Unfortunately I think I was too anxious that night so I took a while to relax and I didn’t notice no change on my sleep. I will be trying it again after a nice relaxing skincare session and getting myself calm first to see if it really works. I’m also going to buy a cheeper Version on amazon to try too. Will update you on that too!

Thanks for reading! Charlie! x

Teaching our little ones about cooking.

Teaching our little ones about cooking.

I loved cooking with my grandparents and my great grandparents when I was younger it’s one of the few skills I’ve been able to bring to adulthood with me. As Elijahs grown older he’s enjoyed gaining more responsibility and learning about how food is prepared. He loves baking cakes but outside of just pushing a spoon around we’ve started doing a lot more.

I want my son to leave home and know how to take care of himself and his future family. Not to expect others to teach them. I’ve taught my husband how to cook now I am slowly teaching our son.

Start with little tasks. Obviously no sharp knifes and heat should be involved in their cooking. So here’s some small tasks I give my little man to help with cooking. He is two and a half!

First of all you can ask your child to pass you items. Elijah loves doing this. He really thinks he is helping. We also pass each other blunt knifes and forks.

He helps butter them bread. I’ll be it is a little holey but he enjoys using the blunt knife and helping. He likes spreading jam and spreading tomato purée on a wrap or pizza base to make pizzas.

Get them to chop with a blunt knife. Elijah likes chopping cheese, bread, sandwiches anything soft.

Help them pour food that is measures into a bowl and get them to help measure out food too.

Help mix cake mixes, salad, anything cold.

Get them to help pour drinks and cereal.

Get them to help place food on a plate ready for dinner and assemble their own packed lunches.

Help set the table. Your child can take their plate and cutlery to the table and then their drink.

As Elijah gets older he will have more responsibilities in the kitchen but for now he’s happy with his little step and his helping hands!

It’s also a great way to teach food hygiene from a young age too!

Thanks for reading! Charlie x

Book club: Kindle reads- March 2020

Book club: Kindle reads- March 2020

So i did a little poll on my Instagram to see if people wanted to see more of my book reviews and what i have been reading each month. Surprisingly a lot of people asked me to do it so here i am. So welcome to my first book club! I will be doing a read along to The Rumour by Lesley Kara if you want to grab a copy and read along with me… So far i’m at chapter two if you’re reading this and want to chat about it going through the book together. But for now here’s some Kindle books I’ve brought on deal for a pound or so in a quick sale (always keep your eyes peeled for deals on the kindle store! This month i haven’t read to many books but here’s some of my favourites i have read recently.

The man who didn’t call by Rosie Walsh. Currently 1:99 on the kindle store.This book is about a woman (Sarah) who falls in love in a short amount of time and she thinks shes found the one after recently splitting from her husband of many years . Then the next day he disappears of the face of the earth. Voicemails left and no response…. It’s interesting to see peoples developments in the book and learn about the characters in depth. It does leave you wondering what has happened and where is Eddie? The first half takes a lot to get through, it is a bit all over the place and goes on for too long but the second half is when you get into the book so to say. I’d rate this 3 stars i am unsure whether i liked it or not. It was in some places boring but other points quite gripping.

The Lido by Libby Page. Currently 4:99 on the kindle store. Well what can i say about this book? Other then it’s one of the greatest books i have ever read! I really had low expectations of this book as it really isn’t my normal read but i saw someone was reading it so i thought i’d try it too and it was on deal at the time. The book follows several characters and their relationship to the lido that is at threat of being closed down by the council to build new flats. I fell in love with every character and getting to know them as if they where old friends or even me. The history of Rosemary who is one of the oldest users of the pool in her 80’s going swimming everyday since she was tiny and even in the war. I also love learning about Kate who is desperately lonely and depressed and how she comes out of her shell making friends with rosemary. You get to know how places can form attachments because of the memories that happen there. Beautifully written and at sometimes heartbreaking it is the ultimate feel good book i couldn’t put down. A must read and 5 stars for sure!

Half a world away by Mike Gayle. Currently 4:99 on the kindle store. If you want a book that’s going to take your heart throw it against the floor and stomp on it and cause a full on ugly cry this book is for you! A brother and sister separated by adoption and the foster care system find each other again after many years later. The book follows Kerry a single mum struggling to make ends meet or searches for her brother to reconnect after missing him and searching for years. Noah who is a very well off and happily adopted finds his sister after she tracks him down and leaves him questioning who he really is. The book really shows how different classes do not matter when family is involved. I won’t say much more as there is some BIG BIG twists and turns in this book which will leave you sobbing your heart out and falling in love, 6 stars out of five wouldn’t be enough..

The tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris. Currently 2:85 on the kindle store. This story follows Lale a Jewish man who is forced to work at Auschwitz. It shows his story and is based on true events that happened in Auschwitz. The book shows the horrible treatment of the Jewish people by the SS and the barbaric living conditions. It’s a truly heartbreaking read one that made me truly grateful for the life i live and thankful. If you’re into history and war related thing like me this is as close to the truth of what happened as you can get while relating to a character and his struggle. This is based on a true story. I won’t divulge to much but this a must read it’s a five star from me.I have the sequel Cilkas journey in my library to read soon!

The chain by Adrian McKinty . Currently 0.99 on Kindle store. The book is about children that are kidnapped and their parents have to choose whether to kidnap someone else’s child to save their child or their child will be murdered if they break the chain. Really thrilling and gets you hooked from the start. Peoples decisions will surprise you! 4 out of five stars!

So there you have my kindle reads for march look out for my April book club coming at the end of April! Stay safe, keep reading!

Why is everyone turning into a troll during the lockdown

Why is everyone turning into a troll during the lockdown

So the yesterday I posted a photo that I had gone for a walk with my family to the beach. It’s a very short drive away and at the time I was legally allowed to do this and travel for exercise and we were also picking up my prescription which we had to travel in car for. We did not choose to go anywhere there where people and went to a old bit of a beach we know nobody goes. We would of gone to my local meadows for a walk buy the place is beginning to get busy as people discover it on a walk. They’ve had to close the car park to stop people visiting in groups. When we went we saw nobody and it was safer then walking around our neighbourhood. I have always gone to the beach when struggling with my mental health as it feels like a little holiday, a bit of paradise. Because I posted this everyone jumped on me and some people getting pretty personal which was very unneeded. Obviously I’d of deserved it if I had gone to a busy beach but I did not. And if I came into contact with any people which I did not. It really effected my severely down mood and made me feel horrendous and now because of this I’ll be scared to leave for groceries, exercise or for medical reasons because I fear I shouldn’t. Even though everyone else is going to jump down my throat again.

It’s really hard being stuck inside and I hadn’t took Elijah for a walk in over a week so we decided to go to the abandoned beach so we could get some pebbles for further stay home play too. I’ve noticed since I’ve been out people are turning quite vile on social media. Constantly telling people how to live their lives and that they can’t go out yet they’re doing what they legally can within restrictions. If the government doesn’t want people out full stop then they should stop allowing people out for excercise atall.

People are becoming quite personal and it’s breaking friendships apart. At the end of the day I followed government advise so my conscience is clear. I haven’t been out except for a walk or emergency food/medical runs . If people aren’t fair enough but people will always not listen. People will always fight the crowd. There is no reason to get yourself concerned and if your concerned contact the police. They can enforce the law not you.

Sitting behind a keyboard and spreading nothing but hate isn’t good for you or anyone else. Not just about the lockdown I’m seeing people judge parenting, appearances, houses and daily life. People are pulling apart people’s personalities at a time we should be lifting everyone up not down. I know a lot of trolling comes from peoples previous pain and is used as a outlet. Also a lot of people are scared and have had enough of being inside. But please don’t share hate it does nothing but cause upset and turns you bitter. Remember everyone is struggling right now. Everyone. Spread kindness not hate. Your comments may be seen you you as helpful and righteous but you never know the full story behind the person or their actions.

Being afraid of the unknown

Being afraid of the unknown

Good morning everyone! I hope you’ve had a peaceful weekend and had lots of fun. I thought i would write this blog post because i’m feeling quite anxious at the moment and many others are too. I’m talking about the unknown which is the corona virus or covid-19 for short. As each day passes more and more scary articles and posts are being put up and the world is going mad i am afraid of the unknown.

I am not scared about getting the virus as i have been with other illnesses. Previously when around many illnesses as a healthcare worker i had all sorts of fluids all over me and never caught anything bad such as hiv, mrsa, hepatitis or any other nasty illnesses. This is because i have always practised good hand hygiene and followed policies which have been put in line for a reason. If i was to catch covid-19 i will hope for the best and practise self isolating and look after myself to the maximum i can still following exceptional personal hygiene standards. However i am afraid of my family and friends catching it and that scares me. The thought about someone around me catching it makes me very anxious indeed.

I am becoming increasingly more anxious about other humans and their behaviour. I have witnessed and experienced fear when shopping where we can’t find the basics we need in shops. Toilet roll, pasta, tins, meat, milk, nappies, wipes, children’s snacks, formula, bread, rice, cleaning products and soap nowhere to be found in many places. Others are panic buying and developing a me before you attitude which is so toxic. I’m now worrying every time i buy something if i am being judged or now if i have brought enough i am genuinely scared that one day we will go hungry. The weird thing is why are people stock piling at the moment there is no need so i am completely confused. I also don’t understand why people are taking away toilet paper and soap from shops because surely other people need to be able to exercise good personal hygiene to avoid the spreading instead of being unable to wash their hands or wipe their bottom while people have cupboards full of soap. Let’s remember to leave some things for those at risk and only buy what we need and maybe one extra not trolley loads. Also remember that not only the elderly are at risk and that there are many young, pregnant or immunocompromised people who rely on cleaning products to be able to keep well and healthy from all germs not just covid-19.

I am afraid of the unknown on what is happening. I live in the uk and our pm has basically just said some people will die and good luck essentially. I feel like we are in the hunger games at times like this. We have been told that schools will close and then they will not. Some events are being closed without notice. There is no communication to the people. There is limited information and people want and need information in order to process things calmly and rationally. I also feel the appropriate steps are not being taken. I personally do not agree with schools shutting unless everywhere is put on quarantine and bills freezed till everything is back to normal so that no income is lost. My reason behind this thought process is that children have TERRIBLE hygiene standards and i know full well parents will be going out with their children and not staying inside which means more people around and more risk of infection. Where as if they stayed at school they would be more contained to one place and somewhat safer. If only schools closed many parents would loose their jobs or incomeand not be able to recover from the time taken off too look after their children. This would be because there would not be a nationwide quarantine with bills frozen. If everything was quarantined and all bills stopped at once the world could continue as normal but there is no plan and they’ll wait till it’s too bad. I also feel for people who would still need to work such as the whole of the health and social care section. How would they be quarantined however with them going into work and then coming home after work? Would they count this as reduced quarantine. However if bills are frozen there should be good incentives for those staff to be going in full stop.

There is too much negativity in the press and social media and all it is doing is scare mongering. All that is being spoken about everywhere is the virus and i myself can’t help it now too. I tried my hardest to avoid it, to be calm about it but now it seems to of become so much worse.This is why i am writing this blog post now Every time i listen to the radio or pick up my phone it’s death toll this, quarantine that and everything is being reported like it is the end of the world and i am worried. I am starting to worry we wont be able to pay our bills and/or food will run out and things will go terribly wrong. All people can talk about is corona virus and it gets pretty heated at times out there. People shouting at one another. Negative storys constantly and none of the good about recovering people is reported on. Everyone is thriving on fear and it’s causing everyone to be in a state of panic and concern.

I am scared to be in public now because of my health anxiety and if someone sneezes near me i worry oh god am i going to get it or my son and then everyone here? People are being very angry and panicky in public and busy places are now empty. I am getting anxious about peoples behaviour to others and keep hearing about fights breaking out in the news. I’m scared someone might hurt me if i grab the last of something or someone will bite my head of if i suddenly cough due to my asthma. I am also growing increasingly worried about people who might struggle or go hungry. I want to donate to food banks as i usually would in cases of these terrible times but i now think what if i need that pasta at some point and i am giving to others and then we go hungry ourselves. We do however still and will continue to donate cash to homeless shelters and chairtys monthly through direct debit or donations when we can. I want to help everyone i can at times like these but i am now asking myself can i really help anyone with such uncertainty at the moment. If i place food in the food bank will it be stolen as so many are stealing things now? I am unsure about a lot of things and i think a lot of others are unsure too. Over the weekend while away (in the uk close to home just in case) i was scared to spend money and at times be out around others. I worried things where too much expense in case we couldn’t afford our bills at some point due to people loosing money and not needing my husbands custom or being in quarantine due to him being self employed. We actually cut our holiday short kind of because of this too because their was so many people at times in places we couldn’t keep much space at then end!

I am hoping a vaccine can be made or a cure found sometime soon and the infection spread rates drop and we can go back to normal. But at the moment i am scared. I am sorry if this has scared anyone else but i feel it is therapeutic to talk these things through instead of bottling up. My blog is my safe space. My e-journal if you will and it’s how i process my emotions now without annoying others as it doesn’t have to be read. I am trying to not scare monger and only using facts i know to be true when i speak about the virus but it’s all rather scary isn’t it. I am trying to stay in as much as i feel i can and trying to avoid soft play and teaching my child hand hygiene as much as we can. Not that i wasn’t already but i feel we need to do it more now with how quick this is spreading.

How are you dealing with the virus hysteria? Have you been effected by the news and everyone else reaction to what is happening? Are things running out near to you and are you able to buy a full weekly shop with your basics?

Well i i hope you are keeping as safe as can be and keep calm in times of uncertainty! Remember to be kind and safe at all times and check on others if you can but do not put yourself at risk before tacking care of yourself. Stay safe!