Being brave.

Being brave.

To many it would seem I was a loner in a cafe by myself. It would look like I was waiting for someone or I have no friends, but that wasn’t the case. I was quite simply being brave. I’m quite socially anxious when out on my own. Especially since having a child, walking through town with Elijahs become somewhat my security blanket. Even though I would sit in a cafe with Elijah being alone is something that scares me quite a bit. The anxiety that people are staring and judging is just a bit too much for me. I hate waiting for people on my own in public let alone being on my own and I actively avoid going out on my own.

On Friday after counselling I did something I would never normally do, I went to a cafe on my own. I ordered a drink and cake and didn’t rush myself. I sat there and just relaxed into my own company. I felt anxious at first walking in and sitting alone but I soon got to grips with the fact nobody cared and quite enjoyed myself. Small steps are big steps and one day I hope my anxiety will go but for now I’m trying little things to make myself a bit more happy.

A introduction to me.

A introduction to me.

Hello, for the benefit of you very lovely people on my blog/Wordpress I thought I’d introduce myself. The face behind my blog and life with the Hazelwoods! My name is Charlie-Jane and I am 24, I live in Suffolk with my little family. My son Elijah and his dad, my husband James. I’ve worked in healthcare and community care for many years and learnt a lot of things. I like to think one of those things is to try and be a good human being no mater how hard that may be. I’ve recently decided (with James wanting it too) to become a stay at home mum. James has very kindly decided he will be the working parent while I raise our son at home. While I miss working and the excitement my job brought me sometimes I do truly love being a stay at home mum and house wife. Since staying at home I’ve really been able to find my hobby which is blogging and I am really starting to enjoy it. My blog is about anything that pops into my head really from recipes to being completely honest with how parenting has changed my life and things like my mental health. I feel things shouldn’t be filtered and people should be able to see more of the real life that other mums and people go through too. From my struggle with some of my illnesses too things we get up to everyday I’ll be blogging and I hope you’ll be joining, reading and getting involved as I’d love to meet other like minded individuals like me that have had enough of these blogs that have one specific genre and only show the perfect side of life. So stay tuned and click the follow button for more!

Why I’m taking a break from social media (my personal social media at least).

Why I’m taking a break from social media (my personal social media at least).

As much as social media is a gift to our generation it can also be a curse. I’m going through quite a bad bout of anxiety recently and a lot of self doubt in myself my image and judging myself on how good a wife and mother I am. I’ve noticed a lot recently the amount of people who post fake life’s online and how I’ve seen the other side of that image they put up and the fact seeing other peoples fake images make me feel down and low.

After watching odd one out on bbc I player I’ve really stated to notice all the hurtful things strangers say to each other online and how they hide behind a computer screen to say the most disgusting things. I being someone who has been bullied both in person and cyber bullied know first hand how comments can hurt. And I can’t help but feel the negativity and somewhat when I see people bullying people online. People writing on Instagram posts people look ugly or say for example news papers and public ripping apart the royal family and Meghan Markle. The people comment like they know her and can actually form an opinion on someone they don’t even know or ever will! I’ve also been reading a notes on a nervous planner. From the first page I related this to my anxiety. I.e segueing with strangers, staring at my phone and wasting my life and comparing my life and everything to others. When you’re feeling down you already are feeling pretty negative and looking on twitter and Facebook basically just shows more negativity and bad things that affect how we live.

I have more time. I have only gone one day without social media and I have already spotless cleaned my house and kept it clean. I have done all house work and not been exhausted by it. I’ve spent more time playing with my son and had more time do things with him I wouldn’t always do. I cooked home cook meals today from scratch and wasn’t distracted I enjoyed listening to music and hearing it and watched a sunset. I had the house tidy and Elijah bathed and in bed for 7 and I was bathed and ready to relax by 8. I’m currently catching up on Kuwtk and then I’ll be in bed for 9 to either sleep or read till I’m ready and it’s something I’d never do as I’d waste hours on my phone for no reason!

I’m less stressed. I’m not anxious about reading arguements or getting involved in them. Seeing talk about brexit and politicians. Not seeing news story’s where something horrible is happening when I can barely relax myself let alone the anxiety on the worrying about them.

So who knows how long this will last but if you’re stressed just try a day without social media.

Developing a unhealthy relationship with my phone.

Social media and technology is a bloody wonderful thing! It connects us to everyone we know and also give us a look into other peoples lives. It truly is a incredible thing and something I am forever grateful for the opportunities it brings.

However as with all things there becomes a time when it can turn a bit sour. Recently I’ve noticed that my phone has become my safety blanket. E.g remember waiting for your friends in high school to meet you so you pretended to be scrolling through your phone while you stood there just flicking up and down. It’s my way of escaping reality sometimes and falling down the rabbit hole which is social media and YouTube.

Sometimes I feel it’s become something to do entertain me, to distract me from stress or to just use as a outlet for my boredom or mood. I’ve noticed I pick my phone up more and more and have noticed it’s something I’m so when I’m stressed to unwind and good on me for finding something easy to help me. However I notice I am not always present. I’m noticing around friends and family I pick up my phone when they are talking to me and end up not listening while I read some sort of article I’ve found on Facebook. I feel although it’s become my safety blanket my phone does cause me a great deal of anxiety and when I don’t have it I have a intensified spout of anxiety too.

When my phone dies I become worried and bored and can’t wait for the next charge somedays and will sit attached to my phone and wire so I can keep entertained. All though the obsession is real and I am becoming more vacant recently, sometimes I do put my phone down and try to take my kind of my phone and everything on it. I find that it is trusty wonderful to be able to ask questions, to find out lots of answers without a trip to a library. To save going shopping when my anxiety was high. To make plans and reach out to people quickly and with ease and through a method which is mobile and free too! Maybe one day I’ll put the phone down for the day. I’m trying I really am trying but my beautiful yellow sunflower phone stares right back at me!