Why I’ve decided to block news reports and tabloids from my timeline.

Why I’ve decided to block news reports and tabloids from my timeline.

Following the very recent spades of deaths of celebrities due to suicide from the news i have really come to notice just how toxic the news can be. They take joy from causing and reporting on others sorrows. They go beyond what is acceptable in taking every last bit of privacy from someone and pulling everything about them and their character apart. The worst thing is what are people achieving reading these articles? A closer look into someones private life? To pass unsolicited judgement? To knowingly cause pain and humiliation? There really is nothing to gain from glorified gossip.

The worst thing recently has been noticing just horrid strangers can be because they are hiding behind a computer screen. The blame doesn’t all lie with the tabloid/press but the public. When they publish articles on social media there is ALWAYS a comment section. The comment section is a disgusting place where people become vile horrible people because they are saying things from behind a screen or even on a fake profile. You can really see how horrible the world is when these comments are littered with judgement, racism, sexism and everything else vile that the world runs on.

Take the Meghan Markle situation for example. A woman (already rich and famous) fell in love with a prince like a true fairy tale. She gave up everything which made her who she was to marry him. She devoted her love and kindness to the country and in response was treated like dirt. Why? Nobody really knows. Whereas Kate, also a commoner is praised like a god. The press have ripped every single little shred of detail about her life and aired it for everyone to see. They have changed public opinion on her and have allowed repeated hate speech and influenced peoples opinions. They have aired and given time to her family to humiliate and deeply hurt her when she herself made the decision to cut them of due to their toxicity. This has allowed the public to know her dark secrets, to form a opinion she is this cold person when she is such a giving woman who devotes time and HER own money and time to charity. The way the press has hounded her has caused her to leave the country. But even this is not enough as this morning i saw the press and public ripping her apart for wearing a eco friendly coat because it was expensive.Again nobodies business but their own.

I feel the press can be a brilliant thing it can update you on the news and controlled happy stories can really be a nice read. However recently its just became a place for trolls to gather and spread their hate. So for now i will be taking a break from reading the news because other peoples business is not my own. I don’t want to judge others lives or get upset with other peoples opinions on others. I have noticed since i haven’t had news on my timeline i am no longer concerned with other peoples dramas and just only aware of what is going on with people i want to know and their happy news instead of the darkness of the web. Always think before you like, retweet and comment. Spread kindness not hate.

Emotional abuse does effect someone in the long run.

Emotional abuse does effect someone in the long run.

Since starting counselling I’ve really been able to find myself and explore bits of myself I’ve hidden away. While I experienced physical abuse as a child from other people around me I also experience emotional abuse. I think in the long run the physical abuse was easier than the emotional.

Once apon a time I was happy, in my childhood. As all children are they’re full of innocence and have a fun loving attitude to the world. But children are also sponges. I soaked up everyone’s negative energy, negative comments and abusive words. It slowly twisted around and moulded me into who I am today. Someone who is afraid to upset anyone, someone who gets hurt to easily, someone who takes everything possible to offence and someone who is afraid to let someone in and ruins relationships with others through this.

Little things count as child abuse/emotional abuse. I don’t think people really understand what they are doing is going to upset someone and cause hurt in the long run. It’s tho he like apologising for behaviour that can help someone move on from this. Emotional abuse is the act of saying or doing things to upset someone on purpose. To say comments or minipulate someone so that their feelings are hurt or to get something someone wants. With me I was bullied quite a lot. I was called weird a lot in school. I was WEIRD because I was trying to be happy all the time so people couldn’t see my sadness. I was WEIRD because I was worried about others opinions on me all the time and i was trying to be liked. I had comments made on my appearance and my style. In the long term it’s caused me to be self conscious and worried about my looks constantly in everything. Comments said to me in my teenage years really got to me when told “you’re so ugly”, “you’re so spotty nobody will like you, you ugly freak”. I was called Rudolph for years when my rosacea was at its worse and my nose was constantly bright red and swollen which made me not want to look in mirrors or leave the house.

I think a lot of my issues with trust have come from not being able to trust anyone. constantly being shouted at and having constant personal comments have made me somewhat scared to have human interaction. If I’m in any sort of situation of arguement or something like that I basically have a panic attack and have anxiety attacks for days loosing sleep constantly replalaying situations in my head. I worry why people don’t like me and if I’ll upset someone with everything I do. I’ve also started to care of people don’t like me and it cripples me when people don’t and I try my hardest to please. I’ve made cakes for people, brought gifts for people, I’ve tried to use presents to buy people’s love and affection. I struggle to make friends and trust people. I struggle to keep friends too as I worry someone will hurt me again. I worry I’ll be abandoned by family and friends all the time and it causes me to hate any form of confrontation or negativity. I put up with people negative attitudes and emotional abuse even now because I’m so afraid of loosing people and upsetting someone by not putting up with it.

The good thing about counselling has been that I’ve been able to accept what’s happening around me and that this behaviour isn’t normal. I’ve started calling people out on things that upset me so I don’t allow myself to be hurt as much and so people can understand that this behaviour is not okay. I’ve started to retaliate when people say horrid things to me and say them back. Why should I just sit there and take it when I’m not the one in the wrong? I’ve accepted not everyone is going to like you and that is okay. You can’t buy love and that’s okay too. I’ve learnt that trust is my biggest issue and that everything comes back to trust. I have built up walls that are very hard to get down and it’s not others fault that I don’t let them in. Being mistreated is not okay and it’s okay to have feelings about it.

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel sad/hurt by negative emotions and words towards you.

The way I’ve been treated all my life has allowed me to be a better parent. I try to bring my son up as much as I can. I praise him all the time and constantly tell him how loved and good he is. I don’t scream at him when he’s being bad or get personal when he is being bad. I don’t hold on to anger towards him and move on from stress and negative feelings for the best of both of us. I explain bad behaviour is not okay and why. I tell him that I understand why he feels a certain way and that it is okay but there are ways to deal with it. I give him a lot more of my attention and don’t make him feel he has to earn it. I teach him to play nicely with other children and call him AND other children up if they are being unkind or hurtful to someone else. I don’t allow others to get him down too and try to limit contact with people who are negative for him to be around or make him upset or feel unwanted such as people not wanting to see him when repeatedly asked. I call people out when they are perhaps being hurtful and saying things that aren’t right that might hurt Elijahs feelings or teach him to hurt others. Things such as older family talking about race and culture I cut them off and explain infront of Elijah that race isn’t a thing that matters and that we love everyone.

At the end of the day we’re human and we are wired to feel so strongly so when things are said. Negative attitudes projected on you constantly and aggression towards you lingers in the back of your mind when situations get tense it is completely normal to feel bad. We also need to take responsibility and not project our negativity on others and apologise why we do. We can find people are more understanding why you are and behave a certain way, you’re not asking for sympathy but understanding that you take your time letting people in and they will never fully be let in. You are also okay to say you are upset and need time to yourself. You can have a break from people and negativity. It is not selfish and it doesn’t matter who it is. You are the most important person in the world as you are living your life not body else. You only live one life so take care of you and then you can take care of others.

Remember to always to be kind. You never know what your negativity can do someone in the long run. Apologise when you do wrong and love with all your heart but only who deserves it!

Now that I’m 25.

Now that I’m 25.

With every year that passes you can’t help but find yourself looking back at your life and reflecting on what you’ve achieved. For many years I always felt I could have done better, that I wasn’t where I should be in life and that I could be happier. For the first time in years I can safely say that I am happy where I am. Although yes I am no longer in my early twenty’s but now (shock horror) my late twenties. I think I’ve finally got to a age where maturity has came and I’ve left my childishness at the door. It’s almost happened somewhat overnight.

This last year has been a whirlwind if you’d have told me by 25 I would of had the hardest but best years of my life I would laughed in your face. I’d recently gone back to work and was enjoying being back around this time. I wouldn’t of dreamt about being a stay at home mum. I had plans and I wanted a career. But things change. Your mindset changes when you become a mother. Work became too stressful and was becoming a place I didn’t feel happy and was effecting my home life by causing a spiral into depression. I decided I had to leave and me and husband spoke about options and decided it would be best for me to stop working. This has been the best thing for us. Although Elijah has grown older and become a bit more (understatement) stressful and needy I’ve been able to really enjoy and experience it. I’ve come to realise recently we all have down days so I can’t beat myself up everytime I feel like parenting is getting to much for me. I hit a snag of serious depression around Elijahs birthday I didn’t realise why but it turns out I was depressed because I had been reminded of Elijahs traumatic birth and a impending operation which I’ve since cancelled for now. This inspired my gynae to reach out to a counsellor for me and I see one now every week. It’s changed my life and it’s a bit of a understatement . I’ve realised there’s a lot more than just my birth trauma which I’m anxious for and the way I think and act has all been shaped and moulded by traumatic events in my life. It has not always been always sunshine and rainbows like my personality has made it seem so to truly accept that has taken a lot of work. I’ve come to realise I have been trying for so long to make others like and love me so that I don’t get hurt that I’m hurting myself in the process. It’s exhausting. So slowly I’m working on me and my mental health and trying to find out who the real me is.

I have so many things to be grateful for! I’m 25 and I have achieved so much in my short life. I have a husband who I adore with all that I am and who adores me. Someone who never makes me sad and always tells me just how much he loves me. We of course got married with our closest friends and family in a intimate wedding which was completely personal to us. We had a lovely day and a lovely honey moon in this last year and soon we will celebrate our first anniversary married. We welcomed our first child two years ago and celebrated him turning two. In this last year he has learned to walk and talk and so much more. He fills me with such love and he is something that really gives my life purpose. I may have stopped working but it gives me the time now to give all that I am so that he can be all that I ever wanted to be and more. We have a lovely home which we brought, we own, I know how crazy is that! And we will of lived here three years in may! We’ve made so many friends and kept in touch with old. We’ve became closer to friends and family and concentrated on showering others with the love we have to share. Life is too short and we must live every moment we can with love. I think of so many that don’t have as much and aren’t as lucky as me so I am truly grateful. I go to bed tonight with food in my tummy, in a bed under shelter. I may be 25 but hopefully I have a lot more time left. It’s time to start enjoying life, stop worrying about others perceptions of me and worry more about my own. Love yourself and love everyone else. Kindness is the first step to happiness. Here’s to the next birthday!

Keeping your bedroom a relaxing place

Keeping your bedroom a relaxing place

Daily distractions can get in the way of sleep so it’s best to keep your room a calm and relaxing space. It’s quite easy to keep your bedroom your zen zone and somewhere you enjoy crawling into after a long day.

First of all you want to decorate it how you like. You don’t want it over cluttered with art work and colours but a little bit here and there to make it your safe space is what you need. Black out curtains really help to keep the room both warm and dark so that streetlights and sunlight doesn’t disturb your slumber. Do you have a white noise box? No need plug in a Alexa or a google home and request sleep sounds and you’ll be golden for a calming ambience. Pillow sprays are a great way to uplift your mood and calm you down. The same way as essential oils in a diffuser can help calm the room. Mood lighting is great so a few led candles and fairy lights can make the world of difference from a bright light. Is your pillow comfortable? Do you need to change it for something more comfy and is your duvet warm enough or do you need a thicker/lighter one. Is your bedding soft or is it scratchy? The way you wash and dry your sheets can have a big effect on your comfort. I find the best way is to dry my bedding on a door frame overnight so the smell stays, it doesn’t go stiff from the outside and feels soft.

What are you doing when you go to sleep? Are you scrolling through Facebook looking at memes in bed for hours? Are you listening to pop music before getting your zees? You need to keep your bedroom your calm room. Somewhere for sleep. If you’re in bed the only reading you should do should be a book. And the only music should be calming if anything atall. You want to calm yourself for bed not hype yourself up. Are you watching tv in bed every night and then struggling to sleep, turn your tv and try to keep it to downstairs. The odd film in bed here or there doesn’t hurt but getting into a habit of technology in the bedroom before bed can really make your brain go into overdrive before bed.

Are you relaxed? Have you had a night time routine of self care? Be it a bath or washing your face and taking your time to carry out your skin care routine before bed. Are you taking your time going to bed and going at a similar time each night? Going to bed at the same night I very night can really help your brain to know when it’s time to nod of and routine is key. Try to make a list of things causing you anxiety before bed and act on it in the morning so you don’t go to bed with a big todo list and stress for the next day.

Your room should be your zen palace and somewhere you only sleep or sometimes chill in. Remember sometimes if you suffer insomnia these things work but not always from one insomniac to another anything is worth the try right? Enjoy your room, enjoy your sleep and enjoy your life!