How friendships can change when you’ve had children.

How friendships can change when you’ve had children.

Obviously you’ll loose some friends and make some new ones when becoming a parent but you never really accept it when you first see those two positive lines of a pregnancy test. You want to believe your friends are well just that “friends” and will be as excited as you when you have a child. But sometimes it goes quite the opposite way.

When you find out your pregnant everyone is so excited and they can’t wait to call themselves auntie this and uncle that, but when that baby’s popped out it’s unread messages and less interest. Maybe it’s jealously or just not wanting to be around a crying baby but you certainly see who really is and isn’t your friend.You’ve had a baby and instead of celebrating having another little friend to play with some friends go darting the other way.

You’re no longer available all the time. You’re tired and need to get childcare to go out at certain times. Some friends expect you to constantly have childcare when you see them like your child isn’t a part of you now. Conversations can run dry because you’re exhausted from sleepless nights and busy days. You don’t want to go out too long because you want to go to sleep early just incase your up all night. They get embarrassed when your kid tantrums at the dinner table and seem to think they know what’s wrong with your child and wishes you could shut them up instantly if they have a tantrum.

However you do make closer friendships with the ones who stay. You see them more, they become more family then friends as they’re accepted into your family unit for hanging out. Your friends may have kids too so you have play dates and get to watch the children grow up together aswell as you growing with them. Your friends gain another friend and it’s a joy to have them in their life’s.

Sometimes people come and sometimes people go but it’s the ones who stay that matter the most. If they’ve gone they where never really a friend if they cannot accept your family now.

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s quite easy to leave a job especially when you feel it is no longer the right fit for you. But why is it that we get a sinking feeling when we leave. It is because we leave our colleagues. Colleagues become friends and like a second family. They’re there everyday you come to work with a smile on their faces and ears to listen. For some reason if you have a close enough relationship with your colleagues you end up telling them everything. We tell them our life story and they share our experiences. I remember sharing my pregnancy, engagement and marriage with my colleagues as I grew and it was lovely to share it with others.

The sad thing is in reality once you leave you feel a sense of guilt. A sense of duty that you should of stayed and in leaving you feel you have betrayed them. Once you have left you miss them. It’s hard not to miss people you’ve spent the last few years of your life getting to know. I felt lost when I left. My sense of purpose was gone and the longer I’ve been of the more I miss everyone. I miss laughing with my colleagues and talking. I was interested in others life’s even if they where bored by mine and would never admit it.

Also a lot of people who you worked with and eventually called friends stop trying. You try and try and just have to accept some people no longer seem to want to be friends when they’re not somewhat obliged to be. This has hurt me and made me feel horrid and have been second guessing myself. I’ve felt alone and like I’m to blame which I’m some respects I must be but I’ve just got to accept people are busy with work and when you don’t work with them that’s that I guess. I have however made some friends for life who I continue to see often and love to spend time with catching up for coffee or meals every now and then. Sometimes I regret leaving work not because of the job because I came to feel it was not right for me but because I miss all of my colleagues so much. I miss the friendships and bonds I had. I miss hearing about my colleagues and having new and exciting conversations everyday.