Stop making all the effort

Stop making all the effort

One thing that lockdown has taught me as a life lesson is that I put way to much effort into other people. I’m always first to start conversations and I am always trying to keep relationships with friends/family members that don’t perhaps deserve the time.

Yes we are all going through our own personal battles during lockdown and it’s hard enough trying to keep your head above water let alone reply to a text… but have you noticed that those who choose to ignore your texts or calls are the ones who didn’t bother pre lockdown? I find it so frustrating always reaching out to people and trying my hardest to share my love with others and have it thrown back in my face repeatedly.

I would always be the first texter, the one making plans, the first to talk in a room but not anymore. I have come to find life is to short to worry about what others want and need from me.When all you need to worry about is what you need from yourself. If you’re noticing your always the one who cares and someone else doesn’t, do you really need them in your life? Is your life really effected by them not being in it? After all if they can’t be bothered to reply what’s the difference in complete silence?

My life is so much easier not waiting anxiously for texts of people worrying if I have perhaps upset them now. I no longer worry about making awkward plans and having to make all the conversation effort. I don’t worry about upsetting someone by not replying because it’s what they have done to me for many moons. I also don’t feel like I’m an issue. I don’t worry what’s wrong with me anymore and thinking I’m always to blame.

Know your worth. Know that you need to communicate with someone as much as they are communicating with you. Don’t embarrass yourself chasing others for a conversation but at the same time realise that’s you need to put in as much work as them. If they’re texting you first text them first every now and then. Arrange plans more frequently and share the responsibility. A friendship/relationship works two ways where both of you benefit in partnership. If one of you is letting the other side down then all that will happen will be resentment and the slow fizzle into a void. You cannot expect someone else to do all the legwork while you sit around moaning about everyone else not bothering with you. Do remember that people who used to bother may not bother as much in lockdown and that’s okay. Remember who’s been there before lockdown and who hasn’t.

Find your friends, love your friends, love your family, make new friends and enjoy your life don’t be weighed down by some sort of moral obligation. You only have one life and it’s to short to go round with resentment. If your friends/family come back one day and want to try to build that trust up again let them. But don’t be walked all over. Love yourself

Thanks for reading Charlie!

How friendships can change when you’ve had children.

How friendships can change when you’ve had children.

Obviously you’ll loose some friends and make some new ones when becoming a parent but you never really accept it when you first see those two positive lines of a pregnancy test. You want to believe your friends are well just that “friends” and will be as excited as you when you have a child. But sometimes it goes quite the opposite way.

When you find out your pregnant everyone is so excited and they can’t wait to call themselves auntie this and uncle that, but when that baby’s popped out it’s unread messages and less interest. Maybe it’s jealously or just not wanting to be around a crying baby but you certainly see who really is and isn’t your friend.You’ve had a baby and instead of celebrating having another little friend to play with some friends go darting the other way.

You’re no longer available all the time. You’re tired and need to get childcare to go out at certain times. Some friends expect you to constantly have childcare when you see them like your child isn’t a part of you now. Conversations can run dry because you’re exhausted from sleepless nights and busy days. You don’t want to go out too long because you want to go to sleep early just incase your up all night. They get embarrassed when your kid tantrums at the dinner table and seem to think they know what’s wrong with your child and wishes you could shut them up instantly if they have a tantrum.

However you do make closer friendships with the ones who stay. You see them more, they become more family then friends as they’re accepted into your family unit for hanging out. Your friends may have kids too so you have play dates and get to watch the children grow up together aswell as you growing with them. Your friends gain another friend and it’s a joy to have them in their life’s.

Sometimes people come and sometimes people go but it’s the ones who stay that matter the most. If they’ve gone they where never really a friend if they cannot accept your family now.

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s quite easy to leave a job especially when you feel it is no longer the right fit for you. But why is it that we get a sinking feeling when we leave. It is because we leave our colleagues. Colleagues become friends and like a second family. They’re there everyday you come to work with a smile on their faces and ears to listen. For some reason if you have a close enough relationship with your colleagues you end up telling them everything. We tell them our life story and they share our experiences. I remember sharing my pregnancy, engagement and marriage with my colleagues as I grew and it was lovely to share it with others.

The sad thing is in reality once you leave you feel a sense of guilt. A sense of duty that you should of stayed and in leaving you feel you have betrayed them. Once you have left you miss them. It’s hard not to miss people you’ve spent the last few years of your life getting to know. I felt lost when I left. My sense of purpose was gone and the longer I’ve been of the more I miss everyone. I miss laughing with my colleagues and talking. I was interested in others life’s even if they where bored by mine and would never admit it.

Also a lot of people who you worked with and eventually called friends stop trying. You try and try and just have to accept some people no longer seem to want to be friends when they’re not somewhat obliged to be. This has hurt me and made me feel horrid and have been second guessing myself. I’ve felt alone and like I’m to blame which I’m some respects I must be but I’ve just got to accept people are busy with work and when you don’t work with them that’s that I guess. I have however made some friends for life who I continue to see often and love to spend time with catching up for coffee or meals every now and then. Sometimes I regret leaving work not because of the job because I came to feel it was not right for me but because I miss all of my colleagues so much. I miss the friendships and bonds I had. I miss hearing about my colleagues and having new and exciting conversations everyday.