The pressure to have more children.

The pressure to have more children.

Quite often the subject of having more children inevitably comes up with family, friends and even strangers. I’ve written previously on whether i want another child or not in a previous blog post but i think i guessed things would change as Elijah got older. I have always wanted a few children but since having Elijah my opinion has changed. At the moment i’m unsure if i want another child. If i was to fall pregnant again i wouldn’t be sad or anything but at the moment i am happy being a mother of one. I quite like being able to give him all my time and energy and i think he thrives from that too. I don’t want to feel obligated into having anymore children.

However as Elijah has gotten older more people have told me i should have another child just so my son doesn’t feel lonely. First of all this is not a reason to have a child. You don’t have a child to make a little friend, you make a child because you want to bring life to the world and expand your family. It is possible to be a only child and happy. I have experience of both being a only child and then a sibling. I grew up with my mum and i was her only child and until i was 9 and i didn’t have any siblings (that i see). I can honestly say that i did not ever feel lonely and i only really felt somewhat lonely when there where 2 tiny babies around the home and i was a bit lost in my role as a sister at this age.Obviously my brothers and I are close and i love my with all my heart but i don’t think my mum decided to have another child because i was lonely.

I kind of feel a bit anxious when people talk to me about having more children. I get alot of family members like my parents and grandparents telling me to have more children. I know they don’t mean to cause offence but i kind of feel like is that all i am now? a baby maker? I also kind of think do they not think Elijah is enough or something? Has he become boring to them or do they want another newer model to play with? I am sometimes left questioning why it is brought up so often aswell i at least hear it from a family member or two at least once a month. Is me saying i’m happy as we are at the moment not enough? Like i am not going to have another child just to please my family.Which to be honest sounds like something i would do to the extreme where i have this need to please everyone and not offend anyone. Family seem to forget sometimes that people do have control over there own lives as they get older.

Strangers also have a big role in talking to you in public when with your child and say oh when will you have another one? First of all i do not know you and i will never speak to you again so why do you need to know or care? It is a bit odd going up to a stranger and saying when will you have another one or oh they need a baby brother/sister! If you have to say something talk about how happy my child is or something!

Also i have noticed a lot of media /films/ tv series and the online world only really shares family as at least four people. It is really rare i will watch a film or series when there is someone be it a child or adult that a only child and doesn’t have some sort of brother or sister. I also find as well that people seem to react better when people have more than one child like it means you’re a more wholesome family or something like that.

I think as well as other people putting pressure onto us i think we put pressure on to ourselves. Like when i give Elijah clothes to charity sometimes i feel guilt like i should be keeping his clothes just in case we have another child. I also sometimes think about being pregnant again and having a newborn and then i feel somewhat pressure like that’s what i should do again just because i have a thought that pops into my head. I also feel like i set plans in my head when i was younger of the perfect family of four and because of that i think my mind sometimes still thinks that’s the dream. Even though dreams can change when your reality changes. I think my health has a part to play also since being diagnosed with endometriosis i have a slight concern i may not be able to have more children one day and that means I need to rush it.

Maybe one day i might change my mind and want another child but at the moment we are happy. That is okay. I never say to my friends or family oh you should have another child because i know it can trigger people sometimes.Also remember when you may be saying this to people they could possibly be going things and not telling people such as miscarriages, IVF, fertility issues or mental health issues.

It is okay to not want more children and even a child at all if someone has decided not to have kids. It is not our business what happens in anyone else’s life but our own. So lets not try to pass our opinions to others that can cause upset. Having a baby is a BIG responsibility that lasts the rest of your life. It is not something like getting something that is temporarily cute and little like a puppy.

You also should not have to defend if you do not wish to have anymore children and you are also entitled to change your mind. If i was to wake up tomorrow and want to change my mind and want a child that is okay and my choice. It will not be because someone told me too. Remember your life is your life and your choices are your own and you do not have to justify them.

Why I love living near the coast

Why I love living near the coast

Just last night i was reminded of how truly lucky i am to live where i do. I have never been one of those people who complain about their home town because quite frankly i do like my hometown. I have experienced living in a few over places around the UK such as Glasgow and i have to say my favourite place has to be where i have grown up.

Where we live is on the outskirts of our town and there is easy access to the centre of town where you can access trains and buses to anywhere really by connecting trains/planes and more. I will say however although i don’t live on the door stop of a coast we do only live a twenty minute drive from many different beaches/coasts. We are lucky enough to have wildlife walks on our door step and plenty of parks, rivers, beaches and fields to walk through all in our hometown or surrounding areas.

The thing i love most about living near the coast is being able to just get in the car/bus/train and drive there. It is such a short journey and it feels a bit like a holiday every time. I love walking along the beach and watching the waves crash into the shore over and over. I have been teaching Elijah to throw rocks into the sea which he loves doing also. I enjoy when the sun comes out and licking on a very fast melting ice cream and kicking my feet over the pier edge and people watching. It’s a great location for date nights too. There are many different restaurants along the seafront and they’re all very cosy and lit nicely. The whole beach is lit with lights ad fairy lights and it just looks so calm and pretty. Like you’re not in the UK but somewhere new entirely. I have always since being a kid loved the amusements too. I have always tried my hand on a claw machine or two and played games to win tickets. Playing mini golf or bowling with friends and family or even a competitive game of pool or air hockey. We love that our son loves the 2p machines so we get him a step and hes so excited to put a pound or two worth in the machine and watch it go. Most of all i like the breeze and fresh air. When i am a little stressed out and we go i always come back feeling calmer and more relaxed. Especially when we go late afternoon/evening time. It just feels like a home away from home.

I think it really is a gift to have such a beautiful world around us and to be able to repeatedly enjoy its natural beauty for no charge at all. I often feel sad for people that have to drive for hours to be able to experience what is so close to us. It’s somewhere our little boy can grow up enjoying too. From learning to crab to running with a kite with the sand in between his toes i am looking forward to sharing it all with him.

How long away is the nearest coast/beach to you and what do you enjoy most about them?