My endometriosis #wombstories

My endometriosis #wombstories

I have endometriosis. If you’ve followed and read my blog posts over the year you will be more than aware of the fact that i have endometriosis and it rules my life at times. One day i can feel completely fine and go about my life as normal then the next moment my stomachs swollen like a balloon, i am in intense pain and i am crippled by it sometimes even hospitalised. But it’s a weird thing being a endometriosis sufferer, i used to feel so alone but now i know i am not alone. Since starting my blog i have made so many connections with so many beautiful people who also suffer with endo. We all know what it is like to be sick but not look sick. We know each others struggles and go through it together. Like some sort of badass period gang. There is a reason they call us endo warriors. It is because we get up and start the day despite at times feeling like we are dying. It’s that a lot of us are there to give support and talk about what we are going through in the hope that it helps someone else.

Did you know that 1 in ten woman can be suffering from endometriosis and that it can take around 8 years for a diagnosis?

What is endometriosis?

Endometriosis or endo as many of us call it is when the material of your uterus grows elsewhere in your body. Causing internal bleeding, scaring and in many cases damage to organs. The only way to know how severe or diagnose is through surgery. It is barely ever picked up on ultrasounds and you have to be extraordinarily lucky to have it found in other ways. There is also no cure for endo. You can have patches of it burned of but it just grows back like weeds and sometimes it comes back worse.

What are the symptoms?

  • Pain, intense pain on periods.
  • Heavy bleeding.
  • Nausea and sickness.
  • Constipation or diarrhoea when ovulating or on period
  • Pain when peeing or pooing on period or ovulating.
  • Difficulty getting pregnant.
  • Exhaustion.
  • Back pain and pelvic pain.
  • Pain during or after sex.
  • Lots more.

My story.

Growing up i found periods uncomfortable but it wasn’t until my twenties i started to have more intense periods. I would also get very frequent urine infections which would burn. I’d sometimes live on the toilet. Once i had elijah i found out i had endometriosis through my c section. Which in turn caused my endometriosis to get way worse and start presenting severe pain more than ever before. As I started to fuse back together my endo grew with it infesting my insides and destroying my life. Every month on the return of my periods i started to notice extreme stabbing pain in my side. Like i had a knife inside of me. I would also always describe it as having a burning hot ice cream scoop inside of me scooping away at my organs and pulling at the flesh. I would be exhausted, bed bound and in so much pain i would cry on the floor. If you’re a endo sufferer you also know that the pain your in is determined by how low to the floor you get. If you can stand it’s a okay day. If your laying on your stomach or back in pain on the middle of the bathroom or living room floor it’s pretty unbearable.

I also loose my appetite for days and feel sick the whole time. I bloat and look pregnant whilst also suffering intense bowel and urinating issues. I have hot sweats and cant do anything to soothe the pain. I spend the week of my period attached to a tens machine, cooling pads or in tropical temperatures with a hot water bottle resting on my stomach. The more severe the flare the more it causes me to feel so week I feel faint and unable to concentrate. The worse thing is when I feel shaky and unable to function .

I was one of the lucky ones who had a diagnosis. Only on a accidental find. But being told i had endometriosis wasn’t the end. Even though i had a diagnosis doctors would still make me believe it was in my head i would turn up to their surgery in so much pain i couldn’t stand up properly hunched over and i would be made to think it was all in my head. I’d be prodded over and over and cry in pain as touched where it hurt. Over and over i would attend a and e begging for help thinking i was going to die. Turned back to my gp after a day of sitting upright crying or writing in pain needing the floor or a bed. I would Rarely be Admitted to gynaecology where after having scans seeing cysts I’d be sent home later that day when i could barely stand and had been drugged up to the nines.

The medication never really helps sure it sometimes takes away some of the pain but a lot of the time it barely scratches the surfaces. I’ve often had the strongest medications you can have and still lay writing in pain on the floor crying pressing into my stomach in the hope of stopping the tsunami of cramps and pain. Many times i have had to give up going out because i am bleeding so heavy. I’ve leaked in public and been forced into adult nappies. I become anaemic every month because i loose so much blood and have massive clots. I run on empty feeling faint because there is no option when people can’t see your problem but to get up and carry on. The condition also messes with my hormones causing mood swings and extreme depression and lets not even go there with the beautiful spots i inherit from aunt flo visiting. I often feel like a failure as a mother and wife because sometimes i just don’t have the energy. Sometimes i struggle to get through the day and sometimes im laying on the floor crying like some crazy woman. I know often i should go to hospital when it gets overly bad but with the little understanding of doctors in the hospital i am treated terribly and would rather writhe in pain at home just praying that this isn’t it, that i’m not actually dying this time.

I also find that i am starting to get issues with ovulating more now. I cramp and hurt and have many of the same symptoms as when i bleed but without the blood. It wasn’t enough to take a week of my month but now it is two weeks.My doctors all push for me to have another surgery to look at how bad my endo is but i refuse as i cannot bring myself to go under again after my traumatic birth. I also think what would be the point? There is no cure. It will grow back. Whats the point in more scars and more pain. So I spend my days engulfed in the fire that burns its way through me.

However in our darkest hours there is unity. I have joined many endo support groups where we all give each other love, support and advice where i don’t feel like such a freak. I talk to fellow bloggers and people i follow or follow me about the struggles of our endo flares. It makes me not feel so alone. It has also enabled me to learn about more related symptoms and that i can relate other issues to my endo.

I talk about my endometriosis not because i want sympathy but because i want understanding. I want people to understand what i am going through. I want awareness for my people and i also want to be able to help others. i talk about endo in the hope that the girl sitting on the toilet in agony knows that it is not normal to have this much pain. I talk about it in the hope of more seeking help and also being there to help. I talk for everyone. Just because we do not look sick does not mean we are not sick. Chronic pain is real and it is hard and honestly every day i wish it would go away but it never will no matter how hard i wish or how many heat packs i put on my stomach and back,

If you or anyone else have similar symptoms then i have please speak to your gp. It may be that help you need. My messages are always open and you can always dm me on my instagram @lifewiththehazelwoods or email or comment here.

Thanks for reading! Charlie x

Endometriosis and me.

Endometriosis and me.

What is endometriosis? Basically the lining of your uterus grows elsewhere in your body. It can fuse to your bowels and your bladder exetera. Every month when your period comes that lining everywhere sheds. You essentially internally bleed for several days. It causes unbearable pain, problems urinating/pooping, feeling sick, feeling weak, severe mood swings and exhaustion. It can cause heavy bleeding also which is highly debilitating when you’re filling heavy flow pads every two hours. It can also cause a painful sex life.

I am under gynaecology after countless trips to doctor and a and e with the pain (it’s so severe it can feel like appendicitis). Painkillers help but don’t always fully ease the symptoms. Since having a caesarean section I have a lump of tissue which has grown at my scar line which caused me a big deal of concern finding this bobbly lump. I’ve had numerous ultrasounds and blood work and abdominal and vaginal examinations. I’m currently waiting for my smear as mine had to be cancelled due to having to have my coil removed as a emergency in hospital it will of removed some of the cells. I’ve been put on waiting list for surgery to explore the degree and burn some off and I’m not sure if i want it. I’ve heard from a lot of people who suffer too that it has come back after the surgery and I don’t want more risky surgery for no reason.

It’s that time of the month again where my periods are late some months and I’ve spent the last week thinking I’m pregnant. I’ve come on overnight which is why I always wear pads when late or my poor white sheets would of been destroyed. Being young and having severe pain every month can be very depressing. It’s gotten worse since I have had my son and I worry about my fertility being taken away from me one day even if right now I’m choosing to not have another baby just yet. One thing I’m glad about stopping work is not having to spend a ten hour shift on a busy ward feeling like my stomachs being ripped apart with an ice-cream scoop. I’m exhausted drained and have no idea what to do.

Right now I’m taking my painkillers and trying to distract myself when in pain. I’ll be completely exhausted and sleepy all day for days (I bleed so heavily due to my Von williebrands and endometriosis I get anaemia each month). I have an appointment with gynaecology again before my smear test so hopefully they can help explain the positive of the surgery and you know how to deal with chronic pain for the rest of my pre-menopausal days. I guess it could always be worse but it could sure as hell be better.

Are you going to have another one?

Are you going to have another one?

The question every mother will get asked straight after ripping/or popping a giant watermelon sized child out of them. I think I was asked 3 days after I had Elijah and he was still very unwell at the time and the thought of me giving any attention to anything else than my son and thinking of having another child was complete madness to me. As he gets older more and more ask. Every time I see family I still get the are you having another one? Just do it now it’s easier when they’re younger! Oh go on! Elijah needs company he’s lonely! I know people never mean anything by it but it is ok to say no I don’t want another one (yet or maybe ever).

People should really think before asking this question. First of all that person could just not want any other kids and that’s their choice they should not be guilted into children they don’t want and could consequently the mother and children suffer because of this. Secondly they could be struggling with infertility, they could be trying everyday and this could really hurt them hearing these comments and feel like a failure. They could also have issues that could cause infertility and taking control by choosing not to try and the reminder makes them question whether they even could and loose that control. Thirdly sometimes people can’t afford it. People forget the cost of a child and when you throw another one in the mix you can’t treat the first one as much do things as much and sometimes you have to move to a bigger house too. Also people won’t typically watch two children at once so childcare will go out the window and your child may suffer from seeing people less because there’s a baby and unfair to the baby too.

Do I want another baby? At the moment I’m unsure. At the moment I think no. I want my son to enjoy being a baby and giving him my undivided attention. I missed out on so much went I sent him to nursery that I only have a good year before nursery starts part time, then full time then school. I want him to understand a brother or sister aswell I want him to be involved in the choice too. If we asked him if he wanted a brother or sister I’d listen to his view as much as I could because I remember being a only child going to one of three. No I do not resent my brothers for being born if that’s what you’re thinking. At the moment I’m scared I can’t have anymore either so I don’t want to try and be upset too as I suffer with endometriosis. I am petrified of having another csection and childbirth if not the case. I’m afraid of having two things to look after instead of one and I’m worried about all the fights they’ll have. For now it’s a no but I’m open to change in a few years. I definitely don’t think I would try until Elijah was in school because if want to give them both my time as much as possible not one more than the other but if it happened it happened I guess.

Just because you can’t see a illness doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Suffering from mental illnesses and chronic pain can be a right stress sometimes. You have good days where you feel ok and bad days when you don’t. I have days where I feel I just need to take some me time and remember who I am and I am ok because anxiety has gotten on top of me. And I also have days where I am in unbearable pain and bed bound due to my endometriosis. As someone can’t see the illnesses they think everything’s ok. Because you’re not throwing up or missing two legs nobody actually seems to care.

Endometriosis is when the lining of your womb grows else where and can attract to other organs . When you have a period the material sheds the same but he nowhere to go so causes intense pain as you are essentially internal bleeding. Using the toilet can be horrific for both a wee and a poo. Having energy can be non existent so when I’m asked to go for a walk while I’m sat there essentially bleeding out don’t be offended when I say no. I’ve ended up with several hospital trips since having my son as it’s gotten worse after healing from my csection. I am lucky to of had a child but I could struggle in the future. I’ll do a more in depth blog post at some point as it’s not talked about I tell my friends I have it and they have no idea what it is.

Having mental illnesses can make you feel so many emotions and just plain awful. Say for example if you have a cold and you feel rotten you then take time of work? People suffering mental health illnesses feel the mindset of feeling rubbish all the time and it can create physical illnesses to by this. I’ve had tight jaws/ muscle trembling/fatigue/sleepless nights/headaches/catching illnesses from being down/stomach pain/ibs/reflux and much more. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean it’s not real and completely debilitating to that person. And if you are going through a unseen illness understand this. Your pain is real and I see you, I see your struggles and torture you go through everyday and although I can’t see it with my own eyes I can tell that it is there.