Toddler talk. Parent comparison.

Toddler talk. Parent comparison.

Sorry I haven’t been present I had a sick husband and a tantrum fanatic child the last few days so we’re kind of hoping me and the kid aren’t next on the sickness bugs hit list.

Today’s topic isn’t really that different to my normal speal but it’s something I’m really noticing more and more is people’s competition between children. I was speaking to my friend today about it and she said it still happens in primary school! Now I ask, can you tell by talking to your friends which ones walked first, wrote there name first or if they where bottle or boob fed? Because I can’t. It doesn’t matter in the long run!

Milestones are only put into place so that developmental issues can be found not who’s child is better than the next. We all do things differently and we all learn differently. Children learn at their own pace and they will master things in their own little way way. You cannot just expect a child to hit 9 months and be running around singing a song!

Why do we judge others either? Why do we care if this particular child does something ours can’t. There’s been many times I’ve worried about my child because of others yet he has been advanced in many other things. I’ve worried enough to go to doctors over and over and to worry and not want to talk about my child because of it. I think people love to bost as they are so proud of their children, who wouldn’t be! But there’s only so much someone should do. For example I got a lot of parents asking me oh is Elijah not walking yet at 13 months like he was damaged or something? He was just deciding when he was ready! Because of this I wasted so much time worrying about his walking when I should of been enjoying him learning and crawling and the peace and quiet of him not getting everywhere quicker! It becomes something we all do. James tells me he’s started to judge other parents at times when we are out and about in public and he hates that he has. You just start comparing when they start comparing and sometimes you end up getting s but mad and comparing your child as if they’re better. Let’s remember they are children and so long as they are happy, paid attention to and healthy that is all that matters. And even if a child is behind it doesn’t matter. I think from now on I’m just going to stop talking about developmental things and just talk about what we’ve been up too and how much of a treat or terror he has been! Because tbh nobody really gives a shit and neither do I!

Developing a unhealthy relationship with my phone.

Social media and technology is a bloody wonderful thing! It connects us to everyone we know and also give us a look into other peoples lives. It truly is a incredible thing and something I am forever grateful for the opportunities it brings.

However as with all things there becomes a time when it can turn a bit sour. Recently I’ve noticed that my phone has become my safety blanket. E.g remember waiting for your friends in high school to meet you so you pretended to be scrolling through your phone while you stood there just flicking up and down. It’s my way of escaping reality sometimes and falling down the rabbit hole which is social media and YouTube.

Sometimes I feel it’s become something to do entertain me, to distract me from stress or to just use as a outlet for my boredom or mood. I’ve noticed I pick my phone up more and more and have noticed it’s something I’m so when I’m stressed to unwind and good on me for finding something easy to help me. However I notice I am not always present. I’m noticing around friends and family I pick up my phone when they are talking to me and end up not listening while I read some sort of article I’ve found on Facebook. I feel although it’s become my safety blanket my phone does cause me a great deal of anxiety and when I don’t have it I have a intensified spout of anxiety too.

When my phone dies I become worried and bored and can’t wait for the next charge somedays and will sit attached to my phone and wire so I can keep entertained. All though the obsession is real and I am becoming more vacant recently, sometimes I do put my phone down and try to take my kind of my phone and everything on it. I find that it is trusty wonderful to be able to ask questions, to find out lots of answers without a trip to a library. To save going shopping when my anxiety was high. To make plans and reach out to people quickly and with ease and through a method which is mobile and free too! Maybe one day I’ll put the phone down for the day. I’m trying I really am trying but my beautiful yellow sunflower phone stares right back at me!

Making time for your other half after a child.

Making time for your other half after a child.

Once you have a child it is so difficult to have any me time let alone we time as a couple. The offers of childcare dry up and sometimes your waiting months for time to just leave the house just the two of you and I know better than anyone finding childcare can be hard sometimes.

But something I’ve really concentrated on recently since I’ve stopped working is to spend more time as a we than a me when I’m tired from a busy day chasing after our child. Every night once the child’s in bed we both tidy up and I now try to be present. We’ll watch a tv series together and have a chat or a film. We’ll play games together or if we both want to do our own thing James will play on his phone and I will blog or I will watch tv and he’ll play on a game on his laptop while being in the same room and just enjoying the comfort of being next to each other. On weekends we don’t have ridiculous lay ins now so we can join the other two members of the household and have family time.

Don’t be afraid to ask others for childcare if you have in-laws or parents don’t be afraid to ask th to watch your kid or sometimes to sit round while your kid sleeps so you can go to the movies. Today we had an unexpected offer of childcare from family so we jumped at the chance. We where going to slob around the house but I decided no we would get dressed up and have a date day for a change. Be Charlie and James again. We went for a lovely Italian in the sunshine and then after we drove to the beach. We sat on the sand and had ice cream and then we went and wasted 7 quid trying to win a toy pumba and I’m very angry I didn’t win! We just enjoyed being in each other company without noses to wipe, tantrums to tackle and food to share. It was nice to go where we wanted when we wanted and not have to plan ahead (even if I had to pack a bag for my sons day out with his grandparents without us). So please just remember why you choose to be parents with your other half and remember why you fell in love as there’s no stronger team then you two. It’s important and your love is still as important as your Little one.

Don’t judge my toddlers meltdown I’m doing my best!

Don’t judge my toddlers meltdown I’m doing my best!

I shouldn’t feel a need to explain myself when my child has a meltdown. You see my child is one. He cannot understand what is right or wrong yet as he is still learning. Everything is new and he is gathering and learning new information everyday and using that to become a person. He gets angry when he cannot be understood by others or get his own way. I mean who wouldn’t? Shouting the same thing at someone and they still don’t give you what you want or say no? It’s like going for dinner and someone saying no to everything you want and you don’t know how to react. He will try to communicate with me and everyone around him with the only mean of communication he has ever known since the womb which is to cry. If he cry’s he knows he will get what he wants. Be it food, a cuddle or anything atall he knows he will get what he wants. But he is older now. People judge him more when he throws something he doesn’t want on the floor. Nobody would of judged him a year ago as a precious baby throwing something. He looks silly when he screams and cry’s on the floor because he doesn’t want to go in his pram or has decided he doesn’t want to walk anymore. He’s tired but he can not communicate that with you. You just guess what he wants until you understand what he wanted all along.

It’s hard on the mother too. The mother has probably dealt with a ton of these tantrums before today’s and is exhausted from the guessing games. The mother try’s everything to persuade him to behave such as snacks, water, cuddles, toys and to try and explain at times when he is not aloud something why to sort of bargain good behaviour. The mum is drained and is very nervous when in public. Not because of their child’s behaviour as this happens at home constantly because it is their safe place, but because when they are out people stare. People stare and talk and loudly moan and make the mother feel like pure shit. It’s quite normal to feel ashamed when someone is making a dig at you but you shouldn’t be. Being a mother is bloody hard work and raising a child to be a responsible, kind and well behaved child is even harder. If you see the mother trying her best just cary on your day and ignore them. They don’t need eyes and to feel the heat of embarrassment .They are already struggling with the feeling of their eyes tearing up and the lump in their throat growing larger the louder and more aggravated a tantrum gets. It’s so damn hard for the mother. The mother also does not need you getting involved and undermining her and making things worse and harder to control so just try to back off and ignore what’s going on as quite frankly it’s nobody’s business.

Mum guilt is real.

Mum guilt is real.

I know it’s not the most upbeat subject to talk about but I personally feel when you don’t talk about your feelings they spiral and get worse. Mental health discussions are ok and my inbox is always open!

What is mum guilt? Well it’s kind of a standard mothers set themselves to kind of basically be super woman. To be this domestic goddess who makes homemade nutritious meals from scratch every meal and never ever gets stressed or have a down day. It is IMPOSSIBLE not to feel a element of mum guilt especially in a generation of social media. I find social media a great tool and a good escape from the works around ya but I cannot lie there is many times i scroll through and think I’m not as good as these mothers. It can make you feel incredibly alone and down and sometimes you just can’t help it!

I will see a mother putting on Instagram that she lives this seemingly beautiful life and her children never misbehave and she has time to do everything and everything is done solo. Of course they leave out the bits where they’re children are laying on the floor in the street screaming at the pavement because they don’t know why they’re mad over something or that they do not always cook from scratch and dare I say it buy frozen food sometimes! I am always left with this guilt when Elijah is a picky eater that he’s not eating enough veg and fruit. As a baby he was incredibly good at eating fruit and veg and now all of the sudden certain colours such as green will not be touched and if I blend it into something the boy has some sixth sense and can tell without seeing or eating it. I feel awful if I spend too much time cleaning the house and not playing with him or visa versus the house is a mess.

I worry am I taking my son out enough to socialise with other children and is that stunting his emotional and social growth? He used to go to nursery two days a week until July when I stopped working and now I feel like am I depriving him of those social skills. Yet I’m out the house at least 4 days a week to see other children and friends and family to make sure he get social interaction. In the same heartbeat I am exhausted and emotionally drained as-well. If I am tired I still go ahead with plans to go out and feel like I seem moody and apologise to people and I’m not my bubbly self which I feel he’ll pick on. I also worry am I taking him out too much is he tired. Should we stay in today? I worry am I being moody today with him or is it just me?

Do I let him watch to much tv and use my phone too much? Does it make me a bad mother? In reality it doesn’t and he barely watches anything unless we are on bus, changing nappys or having some down time. Is it really any different to when we where stuck in front of tvs when we where children because I remember every minute at home being in front of a tv.

I worry so I spoil him to much and he have to many toys and treats and also do I not buy him enough?

I think the thing I struggle with the most with mum guilt is the quite simple fact of comparing myself to others. It’s something I don’t think I ever did before falling pregnant but I hate that I do. It’s so difficult not to and to always feel you’re not a good mum when you try your best. When it makes you feel sad you’re trying your best but is your best really good enough? Who knows. But what I do know mums is NO mother is better than YOU. Every mother is good in their own ways and you are doing nothing right or wrong just trying to survive and raise a child. You are keeping a life alive while also teaching that child every single last thing so that they can learn how to become a adult one day and do the same thing to their future children. Build yourself up and build others up you’ve got this you mother!

Our typical routine at 21 months.

Our typical routine at 21 months.

Edging ever closer to the terrible twos and firmly set in the tantrum stage a routing is crucial to help avoid some tantrums when we can. If you’re like me and enjoy reading how others parent so I can pick and choose what works for others to try with my little one.

Morning routine:

Every morning we wake at 7 am. It used to be 6 am so I’m loving the lay in even if some days I wake before him. I come into his room and we make his bed and tidy his room if he’s made a little mess. We go downstairs and change his nappy and then have breakfast. He comes into kitchen and chooses toast or cereal as I offer him both and he can say both. He stands and waits and then goes to sit in his chair. I bring his milk with vitamins in and breakfast in and he will sit and eat his breakfast. I sit and chat to him then we wipe up and walk together to the bathroom. I’ve started introducing the toilet as he seems less scared then the potty as he sees me sit on it sometimes so he sits on potty for five minutes and then washes his hands and brushes his teeth with support. By 8 am we are all clean and he’s not quite ready for potty training yet so I’m trying to introduce it as much as possible but he will normally poo and tell me after every damn time I put his pull-ups on haha! We change nappy again and then we have some play together. We play with his cars and race and then cook In his kitchen a very questionable meal. After that we read a few story’s and do his flash cards. If I can rate one thing that’s helped Elijahs language it is the flash cards and books we read everyday. I make sure he gets atleast 25 minuites of book time each day which we read to him.

Afternoon routine:

Elijah then has independent play while I normally clean house up or I sit watching tv for a minute to relax. He will normally just go through his toy box and play with what he fancy’s and if he wants to play with me he’ll bring a toy over to me. At the moment Elijahs a bit hit and miss with naps sometimes he’ll nap and sometimes he won’t. I try to put him for a nap everyday at 11 am and if he doesn’t nap within twenty minuites or cry’s I bring him down. And give up on that one. If he does nap he’ll normally nap till 12:30 where he’ll wake and we will come down and I’ll make him lunch. After lunch we wash hands at the sink. Again independent play and then I will join in and we’ll do themed play like colouring, stickers or anything play dough.

Evening routine:

If he is particularly tired he will normally have a nap for a hour at 3 but I only put him down for this nap If he shows signs of being tired. I start cooking dinner everyday at 4pm. His dad is normally home so they play together while I cook if not I’ll let him watch something he wants on tv. Dinner is normally on the table for 5pm and I cook different things everyday from Italian to Mexican so that he doesn’t get bored of anything or into the habit of same thing every night. We sit together at the table on his booster seat. If we have friends over his high chair is used instead. We use a placemat and a open cup and knife and fork at dinner time he is quite good with spoons and forks but sometimes he gets excited and forgets to use his cutlery. I typically dish up unless it’s soup or stew onto a plate as cools down quicker and less tantrums while he waits! We’ve taught him sign language and the words all done to tell us when he’s finished so he communicates he’s done and puts his food on his plate that’s spilled and hands back to us. We then wipe up and go and wash hands or run a bath. We don’t bath him every day due to sensitive skin so days he doesn’t bath we wipe him over with a nighttime wash cloth which he doesn’t seem to kind. We sit him on the toilet again for five minuites as that’s when he passes a bowel movement but sometimes he doesn’t pass one so we put nighttime pull ups on wash hands and brush teeth. We then walk back to living room where we moisturise and then go up to his room to get changed. We come back down unless he’s tired to play with toys for half hour then go back upstairs. We read a story and put his pjs on. If he is tired after bath we put him to bed at 6. If not we take him up between 6:30 and 7. We tuck him in with his teddy and turn the lights off and then he will normally sleep through the night till the morning. One thing we have not changed since 6 months old is going to bed at 7pm as he has barely struggled to sleep through the night and I think it’s because we’ve always kept a bedtime routine from food times to going to bed time. If we are out we try and keep as close to a schedule as we can and it’s very rare he has a late night. One day we may let him stay up later but considering how little he naps he needs that big sleep and it also gives us parents a break and time to tidy up and relax.

What is your daily routine right now? Do you find your child sticks to a routine? Let me know bellow! Comment, follow and subscribe for more!