So the yesterday I posted a photo that I had gone for a walk with my family to the beach. It’s a very short drive away and at the time I was legally allowed to do this and travel for exercise and we were also picking up my prescription which we had to travel in car for. We did not choose to go anywhere there where people and went to a old bit of a beach we know nobody goes. We would of gone to my local meadows for a walk buy the place is beginning to get busy as people discover it on a walk. They’ve had to close the car park to stop people visiting in groups. When we went we saw nobody and it was safer then walking around our neighbourhood. I have always gone to the beach when struggling with my mental health as it feels like a little holiday, a bit of paradise. Because I posted this everyone jumped on me and some people getting pretty personal which was very unneeded. Obviously I’d of deserved it if I had gone to a busy beach but I did not. And if I came into contact with any people which I did not. It really effected my severely down mood and made me feel horrendous and now because of this I’ll be scared to leave for groceries, exercise or for medical reasons because I fear I shouldn’t. Even though everyone else is going to jump down my throat again.
It’s really hard being stuck inside and I hadn’t took Elijah for a walk in over a week so we decided to go to the abandoned beach so we could get some pebbles for further stay home play too. I’ve noticed since I’ve been out people are turning quite vile on social media. Constantly telling people how to live their lives and that they can’t go out yet they’re doing what they legally can within restrictions. If the government doesn’t want people out full stop then they should stop allowing people out for excercise atall.
People are becoming quite personal and it’s breaking friendships apart. At the end of the day I followed government advise so my conscience is clear. I haven’t been out except for a walk or emergency food/medical runs . If people aren’t fair enough but people will always not listen. People will always fight the crowd. There is no reason to get yourself concerned and if your concerned contact the police. They can enforce the law not you.
Sitting behind a keyboard and spreading nothing but hate isn’t good for you or anyone else. Not just about the lockdown I’m seeing people judge parenting, appearances, houses and daily life. People are pulling apart people’s personalities at a time we should be lifting everyone up not down. I know a lot of trolling comes from peoples previous pain and is used as a outlet. Also a lot of people are scared and have had enough of being inside. But please don’t share hate it does nothing but cause upset and turns you bitter. Remember everyone is struggling right now. Everyone. Spread kindness not hate. Your comments may be seen you you as helpful and righteous but you never know the full story behind the person or their actions.
It’s a funny thing being in isolation. As a child it is used as a form of punishment in school. Being sent outside or to a room for the day to be alone in the hope that you fall in line with the rest of the children. And now… it appears to of become a way of life. I guess in some ways it is still a form of punishment. Because the world would not listen to the powers that be it has caused the sad spreading of the corona virus (covid-19) at a catastrophic rate. The advice was simple avoid non essential travel wash your hands and keep two metres apart, It really wasn’t that much to ask of a human.But that’s the thing about our species is we seem to have this function where we can choose whether we listen or not. Of course many people listened. Many of the elderly and the vulnerable self isolated and practised social distancing. But as always, some people just can’t take no for an answer. The restaurants had to shut, then then leisure centres which then spiralled to all public places to meet up such as museums, library, play parks and shops that are non essential. Now we are forced to stay home unless your job cannot be done from home or safely (unless your a key-worker). We are however permitted to leave the house for medical reasons or to shop for essentials. Fortunately as it stands we are aloud out for one form of exercise. However there are still plenty of people who are not listening. Who are making trips to the shops to buy paint or standing on street corners treating this another bank holiday. People are loosing their jobs day by day because of this disease and the longer people ignore advice the longer it will drag on. I am still seeing people visiting family and friends or having bbqs in the garden. People are also flocking in supermarkets getting to close for comfort to buy an Easter egg and no essential items other than that much needed product. The longer people carry the virus to households the longer this goes on. You may not know you have the virus or of already had it and be a carrier and spreading it to have a quick conversation with someone. Does everyone else in the world think we are all choosing not to see out family and friends for a laugh? Like we enjoy saying i can’t see you i might make you ill or you might make me ill.
Being in isolation has been quite hard. It’s hard for everyone but being a mother it makes it just that little bit harder for me personally. My son is almost two and a half years old and i am a stay at home mum. I am used to staying in some days but not all the time. Me and my son and my whole family really have very active social lifes. When i first became a stay at home mum after returning to work for ten months i spent quite alot of time alone at home and at the time i suffered quite heavily with post natal depression. I found that what helped me was socialising often be it seeing friends of family and making an active effort to get out of the house to attend groups or see others. Now that we have to stay home and not go out or mix households it takes me back to a time where i felt so alone. Obviously i have my son and husband (When he is not at work) and they are all the company i need but at times it’s hard to not be able to go out and see and speak to other human beings. Humans are really social creatures and i think that is why i struggle so hard with not being able to go out much. Being in isolation has been quite hard for my little chap too. He is asthmatic (as am i) and we are trying to stay in as much as possible. It is quite hard having to tell him every day he cannot see his friends and his nanny and granddad. Every morning he wakes up and tells me he wants to go swimming or to the park or to soft play and i have to keep saying no he can’t right now. Hes to little to understand which in some ways is a blessing but in other ways a curse. Luckily we face time a lot of friends and family and he is happy enough on there for a few minutes and can at least see their faces. However when the call stops he wants to see them and gets quite upset. I am trying my hardest to try and come up with fun play ideas everyday to bring him some excitement and structure to our days to prevent us both going mad. I have been making my own learning tools and arranging toys in ways to make them more fun but i am now getting to that stage of burnout when i can’t think that much anymore. You can see some of these play ideas on my Instagram page under the play ideas highlight.
We are still able to go for a walk a day but i am really struggling some days now to want to go for a walk. Unless others in the house want to go for a walk i really don’t feel up for it. Of course when i am out i feel glorious my worries fade away and i am unplugged from the world for a moment or two. But it’s hard to have the energy when you have started to fear the outside world. I think today my plan will be to go for a walk. I want to get Elijah to have some exercise other than online fitness videos for kids and enjoy leaving the house for a little while. Before restrictions i would take elijah to the play park behind the house for a kick about and trip to the play equipment but now its shut he wont understand and i don’t want him getting upset and me getting stressed from a oncoming tantrum.So it looks like i will have to walk a extra 15 minutes to the local meadows to get some fresh air so that means lugging the buggy as someone will not walk too long by himself.
The thing about social distancing i’m not enjoying is the worry that anything or anyone could carry the virus and that when i am visiting a shop for essentials that i am going to pick it up from a trolley, or the food i but or someone standing that bit too close to me. I went shopping for the first time in weeks the other day and i felt a panic attack coming on in the que to buy my shopping. The shops have changed and have lines on where to stand and que (not everyone listens) people wear masks and gloves and everything’s a little bit more stressful. I felt overwhelmed buying things as i was doing a big shop to avoid trips to my local little shop because i felt like i was being judged even though i brought everything i normally buy and less than that. I felt i was judged for everything i put in my trolley and wondered if someone would judge the gingerbread men kit i put in my trolley to entertain my son one day. The reduced tills meant i had to rush loading and unloading my shopping with others looking at me. I felt my heart beating faster, my hands getting sweaty and my eyes filling up and feeling hot. i spent every minute of my shop apologising to others and feeling really overwhelmed. When i got home i felt safe and like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I’m starting to get anxious about leaving the house and passing people in the street and worrying in case i needed medical care for my pre-existing conditions and have to be around other sick individuals.
There is also a lot of mum shaming at the moment. Mums are telling parents to not teach their children whose schools have been closed and sent home with learning resources and expected to learn from.There are also parents shaming people for not doing enough. Who the hell cares what other parents do to get through this crisis. So long as your child is happy and perhaps learning something it is better than nothing. We have enough on our plates without others telling us how to raise our kids and the anxiety from posting a photo on Instagram of something that may upset someone because your either watching cbeebies or doing a puzzle with your kid.Like get over it. Mind your own damn business while your self isolating because hate is just going to make it worse.
I’m starting to realise my depression is creeping back. This may be because i am left with a lot of my thoughts recently or due to the under stimulation of being stuck in everyday without face to face socialisation. I’m becoming more tired and not wanting to do as much again. This may be due to the fact i had james home for a week and had help parenting and now i’m back to being alone monday to friday 6-5. Single mothers out there i salute you and take my hat off to you because it isn’t bloody east having nobody there to help. I am due to try a new high dose relaxant that helps with anxiety from pain management at the hospital and he said it works as a anti depressant so hopefully i’ll feel a bit better when taking it because the loss of sleep with this experience isn’t doing me any favours either.
So today i don’t have any tips really on how to get through isolation anxiety because really i don’t know myself how to get through any of this either. I don’t think anyone does. I think what is important is that we use this time to strengthen family links within the home and outside. Drop a few texts, make a few face time calls and even send letters. Ask others how they are doing and also take notice of who doesn’t ask how you are back. You will soon realise who really does have your best interests in heart and cares about you as much as you care about them and in some ways this is therapeutic too. Try is you can to enjoy your house, rearrange things and tidy things and organise your living space. Try and take in every part of your home remember what each bit of furniture brings to you in memories. For example i remember sofa shopping with my friend and how we laughed trying every sofa in the shop. I remember buying too many pillows to fit in the shopping trolleys with james and elijah looking like he was in a pillow fort, I remember buying every bit of my furniture and its memories that will last forever if i choose not to forget them. Stop seeing yourself locked inside but instead safe inside your home (if you feel safe) you are safe from the virus if you stay home. Remember that this will one day be over it will have to be the world won’t stay closed for ever and shops and restaurants will need to open again. One day soon you will step onto the front step shut the door breathe deeply and smile because the world once again is your oyster. You will no longer take a coffee with friends for granted, you will enjoy a trip to the theatre feeling each bit of emotion that little bit more understanding all these actors sacrifice to bring you that show.You will never again think of any trip outside of your house as a wasted day and see the world as more beautiful then it ever was before.
Good morning all, i type this as i sit with the sun peeking through clouds into my living room while listening to the radio. I have a hot chocolate in my hand having the odd warm chocolatey sip before typing and escaping for a moment. I really love the seasons change. I adore looking out my windows at cherry blossom tress and the green leafs coming back in the trees. Seeing new flowers budding through and their heads coming out to say hello for a few months brings me a odd sense of happiness. There is something oddly relaxing about the sunshine peeking through, it warms my heart when there is a blue sky with the whitest of clouds and the sun is shinning.
As the music fills the room i see things more brightly in the sunshine.My living room is grey, i love the grey because its cooling and warming all at once. Normally at this time in the winter i’d still need a light on because the sun would still be stuck behind all the dark clouds struggling to peak through. Now i can open my blinds and enjoy the sunshine lighting my room. The natural light is so much more calming then artificial light having to cause a week glow.
We really enjoy trips outside. It’s that perfect time of year when you can get away with a light jacket then sweating in a thick parka. The sun feels warm on your skin and if it rains it is not absolutely freezing and you feel more willing to stay outside then seek shelter all day. This time of the year as a lot of seasonal affective disorder suffers start to feel a bit better as the weather picks up. Like plants we all need a little bit of sun and warmth. Also the heating bills go down a lot and i can get on board without having to layer up and put the heating on. The sun stays out later and comes out earlier so it feels like the days are longer and i feel like being a bit more of a morning person again. I look at my picnic blanket a bit more and plan picnics for warmer days on the park behind our house. It’s so much nicer being warmed by the sun instead of feeling as though you’re being baked like a potato and sweating it out.
This spring we are planning to take a few days for a weekend away to escape the world for a little bit. To leave our phones off and just enjoy being the three of us. We’re also expecting to have our new carpet fitted tomorrow and i have been waiting forever to have it replaced. When we moved in it was the first thing i wanted gone as its been marked by a previous owners dog chewing on it… We’re also planning to sort the garden out in the late spring and sort out more of a play area for Elijah. It is a bit annoying how big our garden and how much work has been needed over the last few summers but its so much better than the wasteland full of broken glass,dirt and tree trunks it was before . It’s going to be so much fun this year having lots of messy play in the garden and playing with Elijah’s sand pit and his water table(that is if the storms haven’t got to them)! We will of course be taking just as many trips to the zoo and going out with friends a lot more than staying inside with them. It might mean my house may stay a little cleaner then it gets after a play date or 2.
What are you all looking forward too about spring and have you got any plans?
It’s that time again! And boy do I get excited for that little pink box to come to my door! The great thing about birch box is the complete surprise down to until it arrives at your door basically! After having a pretty busy day I was thrilled to come home to my package and sneak a peak inside.
A few days ago I received this lovely little box which I presume is Valentine’s Day themed with all the pink and reds and heart print box! I adore the box design as it reminds me of my Emma bridgewater bits so have kept it to organise bits in my drawer! The box had tissue paper shreds so it made a nice change although I found it a bit wasteful as what was I to do with it? That aside a lovely presented box this time around with everything inside matching with the colours! So I’ve tried all the products so here’s a bit of a review too!
Amika exfoliating shampoo, this is to exfoliate your scalp while you was your hair basically. I really didn’t like the feeling of it and I had to rinse a lot to soap up but I can confirm my scalp felt good but I probably won’t be purchasing in the future.
Lip mask! I was sceptical as I’ve seen these advertised and thought wow people just want to look silly… but I tried it to see what all the fuss us about. It felt really nice when I put it on and felt nice and cooling and odd. When. I took it off I was so surprised it had made a small difference. My lips looked fuller and perkier without looking fake. I have small lips so I felt great!
Lord and berry lip pencil. A lovely pencil that does the job the red is a very good stain and can be used with other lipsticks to define or on own as more of a tint. Is a little drying but if you moisturise first it’s all good!
The blush wasn’t really my colour so I’ve given to my mother who she says is quite lovely but when I tried it on although I looked a bit toasted the formula is lovely and soft!
Space masks. Although they’re only single use they are so calming and soothing. As I struggle with sleep this was the perfect item to receive ! I instantly felt calmer and relaxed with it on. My eyes felt relaxed and heavy. I soon fell to sleep in a tranquil state like being at a spa!
I hope you enjoyed my post and I’ll see you soon for more!
I’ve the years Elijahs been with us (and growing in my tummy) we’ve been to quite a few children centres and classes. A children’s centre is basically like a mini nursery class where there’s play activity’s and it’s free or sometimes a very small charge depending on what it is. We’ve been to quite a few and used to go weekly to one group close to us at a near by hall but it was only open until Elijah was walking so we had to stop going. We recently tried a new one and it is only about a twenty minuite walk. This new group is in the same place we did our hypnobirthing and a few community centre baby sensory classes in the early days. There was in and outdoor play and Elijah loved it. It had climbing frames, crafts tables, sensory items and outdoor toys and plenty of sensory bits. He spent all his time outdoors playing with balls, slides and other children. I think it is so important that children are around other children as much as they can because it is so good for their social development. I think it helps them make friends and also adjust to nursery/school life earlier. I’m quite lucky to have a boy who loves socialising and I think it may be due to always taking him out with other children as much as we can.
Although we love a bit of soft play and going out with our friends it’s become clear over the years that we want to try new things and make more friends. I think it’s nice to make mummy friends because your child has a friend and you do too. I think it’s easier to make new friends with mothers too because they understand what you’re going through and are easier to make plans with as it doesn’t require childcare for the day. You also can relate and talk about your kid which all parents love to do even if they say they don’t.
I think i will be taking Elijah weekly because he loved it so much and it was full of children. I enjoyed going out of my comfort zone, I’ve put it off quite often due to being anxious about new people but I went anyway and loved it. Lots of mums chatted to me while our children played and it was nice to have conversations with someone new. It was a great exsercise for Elijah too as he spent two hours running around and chasing other children and showing them things. It gave us play ideas we could do at home too such as sensory play with leaves and a mud kitchen. I’m all for anything that gets us out the house especially if it’s free. So why not look at your local children’s centre classes and try something new. We also go on the play bus too sometimes which is run by our children’s centre and Elijah loves it! He gets to sit and play on a bus which has a slide, dress up, colouring, toys and even a sandpit. It’s also a double decker bus which is very colourful which is a definite plus. Why not try something new and use a children’s centre. Remember it’s funded by the government so if you don’t use it, it won’t get funded. Use it or lose it!
It’s no secret that my favourite time of the week is Friday evening when the weekend starts. It means James has finished for the weekend and we get two whole days together as a family. There’s nothing I enjoy more. We’re always trying to make memories while also remembering resting and spending time together is important too.
Our weekend starts with a coffee from the other person made as we roll out of bed. On a Saturday I or James will have a lay in and on a Sunday we swap and the other person does. I say lay in but we always wake for about 9 am now. The other gets up with Elijah to give him breakfast and play with him. We normally then decide what we’ll do for the day if we haven’t already. We’ll decide somewhere family friendly to go and almost always will eat lunch out. If we go for a walk we have lunch after or before or if we go for a trip to town we will wind up at food at some point too. We quite often go for walks though and decide where on the day. For a treat we will often take Elijah for a day at soft play, to a museum or to the zoo. We normally do this on a Saturday.
After we’ve done our day plans we will normally come home for the evening shove on some pjs and watch something then have a small meal together before putting Elijah to bed and watching a film or series. Or we go too see family for tea and relax round there’s before returning to put Elijah to bed. On a Sunday we like to normally keep this as our chill day. Sometimes we’ll go for a walk or to the shops for something but mainly we like to relax. We get the housework deep cleaning done while Elijahs asleep for a nap. Things like washing, mopping, dusting, polishing, de scaling and scrubbing of rooms if I haven’t done it already. We spend the rest of the day cuddling up watching films, Playing with Elijah and doing some sort of arts or craft. We’ll do painting or do play dough or sometimes baking. We try to do a family activity as much as we can so we have real family time. Sometimes we will invite family or friends over but we normally like to cuddle up just the three of us.
We do like to try and do different things as much as possible so we go to different places for lunch, walks and more. We like to look out for events near us and look for different things in the area. We like to go to museums and to themed days and fates too. We often take strolls on the beach and end up on the amusements. We do love spending time together but also appreciate sometimes it’s nice to have our own time too. So sometimes I’ll go out with a friend or James will. Sometimes I’ll take Elijah out with me so James can have some time to himself. This happens very rarely though as we both agree we like to spend our weekends together and often go out weekdays instead with friends.
Looking forward to our next weekend where we are hoping to take Elijah to his favourite place the zoo! James has had too work the last two Saturdays so we’ve had to put of plans and relax more on sundays. What do you get up to at the weekend and have you got a set relaxation day too? What’s your favourite thing to do?!
With every year that passes you can’t help but find yourself looking back at your life and reflecting on what you’ve achieved. For many years I always felt I could have done better, that I wasn’t where I should be in life and that I could be happier. For the first time in years I can safely say that I am happy where I am. Although yes I am no longer in my early twenty’s but now (shock horror) my late twenties. I think I’ve finally got to a age where maturity has came and I’ve left my childishness at the door. It’s almost happened somewhat overnight.
This last year has been a whirlwind if you’d have told me by 25 I would of had the hardest but best years of my life I would laughed in your face. I’d recently gone back to work and was enjoying being back around this time. I wouldn’t of dreamt about being a stay at home mum. I had plans and I wanted a career. But things change. Your mindset changes when you become a mother. Work became too stressful and was becoming a place I didn’t feel happy and was effecting my home life by causing a spiral into depression. I decided I had to leave and me and husband spoke about options and decided it would be best for me to stop working. This has been the best thing for us. Although Elijah has grown older and become a bit more (understatement) stressful and needy I’ve been able to really enjoy and experience it. I’ve come to realise recently we all have down days so I can’t beat myself up everytime I feel like parenting is getting to much for me. I hit a snag of serious depression around Elijahs birthday I didn’t realise why but it turns out I was depressed because I had been reminded of Elijahs traumatic birth and a impending operation which I’ve since cancelled for now. This inspired my gynae to reach out to a counsellor for me and I see one now every week. It’s changed my life and it’s a bit of a understatement . I’ve realised there’s a lot more than just my birth trauma which I’m anxious for and the way I think and act has all been shaped and moulded by traumatic events in my life. It has not always been always sunshine and rainbows like my personality has made it seem so to truly accept that has taken a lot of work. I’ve come to realise I have been trying for so long to make others like and love me so that I don’t get hurt that I’m hurting myself in the process. It’s exhausting. So slowly I’m working on me and my mental health and trying to find out who the real me is.
I have so many things to be grateful for! I’m 25 and I have achieved so much in my short life. I have a husband who I adore with all that I am and who adores me. Someone who never makes me sad and always tells me just how much he loves me. We of course got married with our closest friends and family in a intimate wedding which was completely personal to us. We had a lovely day and a lovely honey moon in this last year and soon we will celebrate our first anniversary married. We welcomed our first child two years ago and celebrated him turning two. In this last year he has learned to walk and talk and so much more. He fills me with such love and he is something that really gives my life purpose. I may have stopped working but it gives me the time now to give all that I am so that he can be all that I ever wanted to be and more. We have a lovely home which we brought, we own, I know how crazy is that! And we will of lived here three years in may! We’ve made so many friends and kept in touch with old. We’ve became closer to friends and family and concentrated on showering others with the love we have to share. Life is too short and we must live every moment we can with love. I think of so many that don’t have as much and aren’t as lucky as me so I am truly grateful. I go to bed tonight with food in my tummy, in a bed under shelter. I may be 25 but hopefully I have a lot more time left. It’s time to start enjoying life, stop worrying about others perceptions of me and worry more about my own. Love yourself and love everyone else. Kindness is the first step to happiness. Here’s to the next birthday!