This is going to be one of those posts that probably triggers someone but I don’t care. I’ve found more and more people are becoming judgemental how babies are fed. I don’t know why people get so concerned with what a child is eating but they do.
I always see people moaning about parents who formula feed. People will comment on posts the most vile comments brining down a new mother’s confidence. People outright say out loud and give their unneeded opinions. People say it’s unnatural, it’s going to make the child ill or dumb. Those people often don’t even know if they where formula fed before starting a debate judging others. Should we judge mothers for feeding a child formula? No! Sometimes mother’s cannot feed their child for health reasons, they cannot feed their baby due to issues bonding, baby or mother being unwell, medications, mastectomy and many other reasons which are still nobody’s business. My hats go off to mother’s who formula feed as all the washing up, sterilising and preparing feeds are pure stress and added work parents could do without. Can I also point out that if a child does not have a mother what are they supposed to drink? Air? Formula is safe they wouldn’t make it and sell it if it was unsafe. It is basically like taking a vitamin giving you things you don’t get from your food. It doesn’t make you dumb or any less developed then other children.
Breast is best. That is proven but sometimes it’s just not possible for all parents. Those who do breastfeed also get a lot of hate too. People expect mother’s to cover up, do it in another room or people just find it disgusting for some obsurd reason. Now I’m not saying whack your tittys out in the middle of a restaurant for all too see your nip nips as that’s normally when anyone would have a issue but when it’s done discreetly without seeing full boob in public what is people’s issue. I remember when I would breast feed In public people would stare. It made me feel so uncomfortable and self conscious. I felt urged to put a blanket over my child but why should I when I don’t eat under a sheet? I was discreet so why a issue if you can’t see my boob?
I combi fed my little guy as long as I could which was a few months. He never latched long enough and never got enough from me and needed formula. He needed formula when I had no milk because he was in hospital unwell and wasn’t getting any better as he wasn’t eating enough. I struggled to produce due to my traumatic birth and post natal depression which came from that and Elijah being in hospital for a week. I tried to express but would never get more than 30ml. Eventually he didn’t care if his formula had breast milk in or not. I could be there for a hour for no reason and ended up exclusively formula feeding. I would used to feed him on breast till James had mixed formula and breast milk or I had and then he’d drink that after but eventually he didn’t want to latch as I wasn’t producing enough.
I think us mother’s and just basic human beings who need to big mother’s up because it’s a hard ass world out there. Why can’t we stop referring to milk as breast milk and formula? Why don’t we say oh my child’s drunk so much milk today instead of boobie or formula? Also if you did one thing don’t judge what someone else is doing and keep your mouth to yourself. Also it’s none of your business how other children are fed so do not ask. Let’s just say your doing a great job mumma and your child seems healthy and happy. A fed baby is best and always will be. What works for you won’t always work for someone else and we need to accept that sometimes.
Something i had seen as a new mum looking on Instagram and Facebook I’d see advertisements for baby sensory classes. Eager to make new friends and get out of the house on my own and not be nervous going out just the two of us we signed up. Our first class Elijah was around 8 weeks and we followed the classes till about 8 months. I will be as honest as I can with this post so mothers can see what the groups really are like.
First of all the people who attends the classes. I was so eager to make friends with people just like me with mums who where in the same boat exhausted tired and trying to navigate the mum world. I found out very quickly the people who attended where quite posh. I mean I have nothing wrong with posh people but it made me feel a little shit. There I was in my baggy maternity jeans and my hair looking like a birds mess against my red patchy skin, while the mums come in dolled up and in designer clothes I was jealous. The mothers seemed to be in friendship groups and make no effort to talk back to you when you spoke to them. A few of them seemed more interested in looking like a good mum and attending to their needs before their child’s I.e taking photos more than engaging in singing and sensory activities. I remember one time a mother turned up half an hour late to class and decided to eat her sushi in the middle of class before realising it wasn’t appropriate to eat seafood around children that could have unknown allergy’s. The only time I was late I was helping an old lady who had fell over and was bleeding heavily on the pavement till a ambulance turned up and didn’t make a big deal as I rushed in! True story my friend came with me to try the class this day and watched Elijah while I was in the floor looking after her! When mothers brought their husbands they got in the way of other mothers and children attending the class sitting in the way or taking toys away. I met one nice lady who id walk to town with and back but I didn’t make any friends. Not that I was disappointed when I heard them moaning about other mums and comparing children’s developments. Weaning early to judging mothers choice of food.
Lesson structure, there would be a song at the start which is the hello sun and learn sign language. There would be a few songs and use of bells, maracas and different objects each week. There would then be half hour of solo play with the bits she’d leave out such as ball pits, sensory objects, blankets, crunchy material, toys,musical instruments, books exetera. Then we’d return for a few more songs and a big group song where we’d do things like have bubbles lights off with disco lights on and use covers with holes and balloons.
Price, Well when I first started it was a fiver a session and you had to pay all at once for a term. It was term time so there’d be weeks without lessons which kind of sucked and the woman who run it would cancel often for sickness or weather and only offer a extra session next term or a lesson for a friend not a refund. Steadily the longer we went it went up to about 8 pounds a lesson and for 30 minuites if singing and 30 of free play I didn’t find it worth it in the end. I’ve been to community centre classes which had no structure and terrible compared to these classes however.
Did your baby like it? Yes my baby adored the classes and I feel it was so good for his development. I copied things I saw in class and brought them for home and did things at home too. We learnt lots of songs and he seemed to like being around other baby’s. I felt like he was always smiling when he could. It was a great bonding experience just us and it was nice to get out of the house us too. It gave me enough courage to go out just me and Elijah and it’s something I’m grateful for as I now have the confidence to go to other classes and talk to other mums and strangers.
How long did I go? I stopped going when Elijah started crawling I think he became too old for some things and I decided it was too expensive. I would have to pay to get there and as it was at lunch time I’d have to go buy my lunch straight after. Elijah would need a feed and scream wherever I ate down and it became a very stressful experience.some of my friends who had babies after me attended the classes and went till just over a year.
The question every mother will get asked straight after ripping/or popping a giant watermelon sized child out of them. I think I was asked 3 days after I had Elijah and he was still very unwell at the time and the thought of me giving any attention to anything else than my son and thinking of having another child was complete madness to me. As he gets older more and more ask. Every time I see family I still get the are you having another one? Just do it now it’s easier when they’re younger! Oh go on! Elijah needs company he’s lonely! I know people never mean anything by it but it is ok to say no I don’t want another one (yet or maybe ever).
People should really think before asking this question. First of all that person could just not want any other kids and that’s their choice they should not be guilted into children they don’t want and could consequently the mother and children suffer because of this. Secondly they could be struggling with infertility, they could be trying everyday and this could really hurt them hearing these comments and feel like a failure. They could also have issues that could cause infertility and taking control by choosing not to try and the reminder makes them question whether they even could and loose that control. Thirdly sometimes people can’t afford it. People forget the cost of a child and when you throw another one in the mix you can’t treat the first one as much do things as much and sometimes you have to move to a bigger house too. Also people won’t typically watch two children at once so childcare will go out the window and your child may suffer from seeing people less because there’s a baby and unfair to the baby too.
Do I want another baby? At the moment I’m unsure. At the moment I think no. I want my son to enjoy being a baby and giving him my undivided attention. I missed out on so much went I sent him to nursery that I only have a good year before nursery starts part time, then full time then school. I want him to understand a brother or sister aswell I want him to be involved in the choice too. If we asked him if he wanted a brother or sister I’d listen to his view as much as I could because I remember being a only child going to one of three. No I do not resent my brothers for being born if that’s what you’re thinking. At the moment I’m scared I can’t have anymore either so I don’t want to try and be upset too as I suffer with endometriosis. I am petrified of having another csection and childbirth if not the case. I’m afraid of having two things to look after instead of one and I’m worried about all the fights they’ll have. For now it’s a no but I’m open to change in a few years. I definitely don’t think I would try until Elijah was in school because if want to give them both my time as much as possible not one more than the other but if it happened it happened I guess.