Now that I’m 25.

With every year that passes you can’t help but find yourself looking back at your life and reflecting on what you’ve achieved. For many years I always felt I could have done better, that I wasn’t where I should be in life and that I could be happier. For the first time in years I can safely say that I am happy where I am. Although yes I am no longer in my early twenty’s but now (shock horror) my late twenties. I think I’ve finally got to a age where maturity has came and I’ve left my childishness at the door. It’s almost happened somewhat overnight.

This last year has been a whirlwind if you’d have told me by 25 I would of had the hardest but best years of my life I would laughed in your face. I’d recently gone back to work and was enjoying being back around this time. I wouldn’t of dreamt about being a stay at home mum. I had plans and I wanted a career. But things change. Your mindset changes when you become a mother. Work became too stressful and was becoming a place I didn’t feel happy and was effecting my home life by causing a spiral into depression. I decided I had to leave and me and husband spoke about options and decided it would be best for me to stop working. This has been the best thing for us. Although Elijah has grown older and become a bit more (understatement) stressful and needy I’ve been able to really enjoy and experience it. I’ve come to realise recently we all have down days so I can’t beat myself up everytime I feel like parenting is getting to much for me. I hit a snag of serious depression around Elijahs birthday I didn’t realise why but it turns out I was depressed because I had been reminded of Elijahs traumatic birth and a impending operation which I’ve since cancelled for now. This inspired my gynae to reach out to a counsellor for me and I see one now every week. It’s changed my life and it’s a bit of a understatement . I’ve realised there’s a lot more than just my birth trauma which I’m anxious for and the way I think and act has all been shaped and moulded by traumatic events in my life. It has not always been always sunshine and rainbows like my personality has made it seem so to truly accept that has taken a lot of work. I’ve come to realise I have been trying for so long to make others like and love me so that I don’t get hurt that I’m hurting myself in the process. It’s exhausting. So slowly I’m working on me and my mental health and trying to find out who the real me is.

I have so many things to be grateful for! I’m 25 and I have achieved so much in my short life. I have a husband who I adore with all that I am and who adores me. Someone who never makes me sad and always tells me just how much he loves me. We of course got married with our closest friends and family in a intimate wedding which was completely personal to us. We had a lovely day and a lovely honey moon in this last year and soon we will celebrate our first anniversary married. We welcomed our first child two years ago and celebrated him turning two. In this last year he has learned to walk and talk and so much more. He fills me with such love and he is something that really gives my life purpose. I may have stopped working but it gives me the time now to give all that I am so that he can be all that I ever wanted to be and more. We have a lovely home which we brought, we own, I know how crazy is that! And we will of lived here three years in may! We’ve made so many friends and kept in touch with old. We’ve became closer to friends and family and concentrated on showering others with the love we have to share. Life is too short and we must live every moment we can with love. I think of so many that don’t have as much and aren’t as lucky as me so I am truly grateful. I go to bed tonight with food in my tummy, in a bed under shelter. I may be 25 but hopefully I have a lot more time left. It’s time to start enjoying life, stop worrying about others perceptions of me and worry more about my own. Love yourself and love everyone else. Kindness is the first step to happiness. Here’s to the next birthday!