Getting my eyelashes done

Getting my eyelashes done

Something I’ve always wanted to do is experiment with things I wasn’t aloud due to my job. For my whole life I’d never had eyelash extentions or my nails done properly so I’ll be doing my nails tomorrow and I had my extentions done the other week and here I’m gonna do a little review of my experience. It may not be same for everyone but was my experience non the less.

Having them fitted, I chose individual lashes and didn’t take too long to do. The glue stung my eyes at first but I got used to it pretty much straight away. I had my eyes open and looked down and that’s all I had to do. Easy peasy.

How I looked when I had them done. When I looked in the morning I thought these are a bit much and not suiting me atall. They grew on me as the night went on and I really liked them the next day. The plus size of wearing these lashes is that they didn’t require any other makeup and I actually didn’t wear makeup atall wearing them.

Although they looked nice they where quite heavy and a bit irritating. You can’t itch your eye so you end up really irritated and rubbing around and getting no where. Washing your face is really hard to do and washing your eyelashes painful and very tricky. I ended up having my first breakout in months because I don’t feel I could cleanse and clean properly. They get dirty quickly like if it’s windy the grit gets stuck to them and again they’re a pain to clean. When they fall out in one they start to look silly and both have to come off. Taking them off is really annoying and a little painful really and I didn’t expect it to hurt. You end up really conscious about them all the time and worry you’ll knock or wipe them off constantly and constantly check none are missing. Young children are very fascinated and try to yank them off and it hurts!

I don’t think I’d get them again and would probably just wear falsies if I wanted a dramatic look again. Although they looked lovely on I honestly didn’t feel very comfortable in them and wouldn’t do them again unless perhaps I was going on holiday where I wouldn’t be wearing make up due to the sun or something. But I did feel very fabulous.

Ignore my red eyebrows and the terrible photo but I took it when I’d just had my brows waxed and boy do I go red!

Having 5 generations in the family at once.

Having 5 generations in the family at once.

At the weekend we celebrated another of my grandmas birthdays by popping round with some flowers to brighten up her day. She was absolutely over the moon with them which goes to show spending a fortune isn’t everything it’s the thought that counts. My grandma as I call her is my great grandma as I call my mums mum nanny. This makes my grandma my sons great-great grandma meaning that there are five generations at once. It’s an incredible gift having so many family members at once and being able to have my child spend time with older generations too.

I’ve always loved my grandma as she always used to tell me about her time in the land army from planes being shot down and her being chased from German fighters too her riding tractors and doing a hard days work. She’d tell me how she lived on the road I live on now and that her house was bombed in the blitz and she has 7 brothers and sisters all share the house with her and the mum and dad. As someone who loves history I’ve always enjoyed reminiscing and enjoying family time with grandparents too. Time Is precious but memories last forever…

Z

Christmas Eve box.

Christmas Eve box.

A family tradition of mine has always been to give a Christmas Eve gift. Normally it would be something like some pjs with some chocolates or something for the bath or/and a activity to do. I remember being young and the excitement to open my gift, have a bath and wear my new pjs. Then sitting all excited in bed till I eventually fell asleep all shiny and comfy.

It’s something I’ve been keen to pass onto my son and husband and keep it as one of our Christmas traditions. So every year me and James have brought pjs for one another and a pair for Elijah. This year I wanted to do a little fun box instead of spoiling Elijah lots of different days with treats I got him some Christmassy treats to give on Christmas Eve. obviously he won’t eat all the sweets at once but I thought I’d give them all at once. So what I’ve got him is a little tsum tsum Disney simba that lights up which he’ll love as he adores the lion king. A Christmas cup to put some Christmas milk in before bed, colouring book to do some activities for the day, some kinetic sand to play with anything to keep him busy for the day so I can organise presents and plans. I brought him some chocolates and marshmallows which comes with a beaker which he can use aswell. He also has some pjs but they’re matching ones with us so didn’t want to give as a gift this year! I brought almost everything from Poundland or bnm so it all cost me under ten pounds which was quite a bargain. I can’t wait to see him open and play with it all. It may a bit ott but when else can I go a bit ott.

Being brave.

Being brave.

To many it would seem I was a loner in a cafe by myself. It would look like I was waiting for someone or I have no friends, but that wasn’t the case. I was quite simply being brave. I’m quite socially anxious when out on my own. Especially since having a child, walking through town with Elijahs become somewhat my security blanket. Even though I would sit in a cafe with Elijah being alone is something that scares me quite a bit. The anxiety that people are staring and judging is just a bit too much for me. I hate waiting for people on my own in public let alone being on my own and I actively avoid going out on my own.

On Friday after counselling I did something I would never normally do, I went to a cafe on my own. I ordered a drink and cake and didn’t rush myself. I sat there and just relaxed into my own company. I felt anxious at first walking in and sitting alone but I soon got to grips with the fact nobody cared and quite enjoyed myself. Small steps are big steps and one day I hope my anxiety will go but for now I’m trying little things to make myself a bit more happy.

My first session of counselling.

My first session of counselling.

Today I went to my first proper counselling session. It felt odd but it was good. We touched on my upcoming surgery and how it’s causing me anxiety. We spoke about how I felt in my pregnancy and after my birth because that’s what triggered my worry about my upcoming abdominal surgery. We also touched on a few issues about childhood and my ability to block myself off and fall out with others.

At first I felt awkward, I found the woman quite condescending and being there stupid. But then I realised I’m defending myself and this woman is just nice and trying to work our why I’m here and help me. As the session went on it was a lot of me talking and her listening. She asked certain questions and it got me to respond and delve in deeper. She allowed me to feel safe and she seemed to give me time to feel, it felt like she was waiting for me to cry but I didn’t. I think I was to tense being my first time to fully let my guard down. I spent a lot of time looking at the door or at my cup of tea to try and avoid looking at her as it made me feel uncomfortable and like I’d cry.

I felt like I had a safe space to talk, I did not have to hide here as I didn’t know the woman. It made me feel oddly like I could open up. I think because I knew that’s what you do in counselling that it helped me. I’m not going to talk in big deal about what was uncovered today or overthought but I know that this was the first step. The first step to recovery is accepting help and I’ve done that. I’ve also accepted today that I have a lot of issues to work through and that I can feel better if I get it off my chest. Immediately after leaving I felt lighter. Emotionally and physically. I felt a bit more empowered. She helped me to decide to cancel my operation till I’m ready again and to allow myself to deal with that. She’s helped me realise that I’m not a bad person and that I’m not to blame for everything that happened to me.

I’m excited to see how the rest of my journey will go and how it’ll help me learn to control my thought process. I’m looking forward to feeling more in control and taking steps to be happy.

Celebrating Christmas when your a couple.

Celebrating Christmas when your a couple.

When you become a couple a time you never really think about is Christmas. You don’t know who you’ll spend it with and where you’ll spend it. You want to be together but also want to see family. The longer you’re together the more comfortable you become with each others family and it becomes less about your family and theirs it becomes our family and time is spent more equally between family’s. But what do you do when you both want to see your family? Firstly it’s about compromise it’s about taking turns each year and alternating plans. It’s about not over booking yourself so you can see everyone and then spend the day flustered and rushed. It’s seeing people on different days and spacing out time longer and not just spending it all with your family as that’s what you’ve done your whole life. My husband didn’t celebrate Christmas exclusively until he was 19 with me so it’s been odd for both of us to find what works but we’ve found what works for us.

We enjoy shopping for family together and when we both worked we payed half for everyone’s presents except each other’s. We enjoy wrapping family presents together and giving them together. We enjoy being together at Christmas and not a part. I’ve been in relationships previously when I’ve not spent Christmas with my other half and it’s felt wrong and I’d never imagine not spending Christmas with my other half now even if some people have no choice. We just love spending time together over the Christmas season and enjoying being a family together with everyone else. We love cuddling up watching films and laughing with others and eating copious amounts of food. This year we most defiantly are going to spend more of Christmas together as a couple/family and spend at our house and try to make our own traditions. We may pop to grandparents quickly but have invited them to ours as we’d prefer to stay home this year or it’ll be a quick visit and day visit for Boxing Day. It’ll be exciting this year as Elijah is understanding Christmas more so we’ll be able to spend Christmas playing with him and relaxing at home a bit more than running with a screaming infant! What have you all got planned for Christmas?!

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s not hard leaving a job but it is hard leaving your colleagues.

It’s quite easy to leave a job especially when you feel it is no longer the right fit for you. But why is it that we get a sinking feeling when we leave. It is because we leave our colleagues. Colleagues become friends and like a second family. They’re there everyday you come to work with a smile on their faces and ears to listen. For some reason if you have a close enough relationship with your colleagues you end up telling them everything. We tell them our life story and they share our experiences. I remember sharing my pregnancy, engagement and marriage with my colleagues as I grew and it was lovely to share it with others.

The sad thing is in reality once you leave you feel a sense of guilt. A sense of duty that you should of stayed and in leaving you feel you have betrayed them. Once you have left you miss them. It’s hard not to miss people you’ve spent the last few years of your life getting to know. I felt lost when I left. My sense of purpose was gone and the longer I’ve been of the more I miss everyone. I miss laughing with my colleagues and talking. I was interested in others life’s even if they where bored by mine and would never admit it.

Also a lot of people who you worked with and eventually called friends stop trying. You try and try and just have to accept some people no longer seem to want to be friends when they’re not somewhat obliged to be. This has hurt me and made me feel horrid and have been second guessing myself. I’ve felt alone and like I’m to blame which I’m some respects I must be but I’ve just got to accept people are busy with work and when you don’t work with them that’s that I guess. I have however made some friends for life who I continue to see often and love to spend time with catching up for coffee or meals every now and then. Sometimes I regret leaving work not because of the job because I came to feel it was not right for me but because I miss all of my colleagues so much. I miss the friendships and bonds I had. I miss hearing about my colleagues and having new and exciting conversations everyday.