The loneliness of becoming a stay at home mum.

One thing that is a bit of a taboo subject is talking honestly about being a stay at home mum. Everyone expects a positive reply when they ask how a stay at home mum is doing. They expect us to say we love life when truly we do but sometimes its not all sunshine and rainbows.

When the husband goes of to work in the morning it can be a lonely world. Yes you are never alone but in reality you cant hold a conversation with a two year old. When a baby is first born everyone wants to visit you then slowly but surely you end up alone just the two of you. When your friends are busy or cancel last minute you can fall into a bit of a pit. When your stuck at home for days on end you miss talking to other people. When the highlight of your day sometimes is just when your other half comes home so you can talk too somebody. Sometimes you feel a bit desensitised to the world and you don’t feel you can contribute to conversations as much anymore as your thought of as someone who just sits at home living the life of luxury. Which is not true. Spending every waking moment teaching a child everything you know is exhausting. Sometimes you dont have the energy for adult conversations or to engage in anything going on around you. Watching childrens tv all day makes your brain turn off and watching normal adult TV used to help me feel more in touch with the world around me and ive lost the ability to have control over that now.

Its true you’re never really alone and can always talk to your toddler but sometimes they want to be there own person. Sometimes they want to play and enjoy their own company and then your left there waiting until they want your attention again. Or if they’re overly clingy it can also cause you to feel drained emotionally and feel lonely in your emotions.When they are being naughty or upset or ill it can cause you to become tired or irritated. When you feel irritated its hard to not let your emotions get the best of you and that can make you feel alone. Its hard to talk about how you’re feeling without a element of judgement and resentment from others. I feel alot of mothers who work or have had to work feel jealous that others get to stay at home and that angers them and causes a sense of strong resentment. You’re expected to be happy all the time and not entitled to feel any other emotion. People think that you’ll enjoy the same thing everyday and not grow tired or stressed. Having worked previously while being a mother i struggled to accept the mum guilt and my mental health. But i do miss the adult conversation. Talking to people and enjoying being at home that little bit more. I miss the break sometimes and it felt like sometimes work was more of a social occasion.

People invite you out less because they just presume you cannot find childcare. So you get left out. Childcare is a big issue too because you cannot always find childcare and also going out in evenings is not always when some people always want to go out. You also find that leaving work people don’t bother to speak to you as much if not atall. You’ve left so who cares if you exist in the real world outside of work right?

Overall i am so greatful that i do not have to work anymore and that my husband can provide a life for us where we never go without and still have luxuries because of this. I am extraordinarily lucky to be able to stay at home and enjoy watching my little boy grow up but sometimes i feel alone and that is okay. And if you are feeling like me too then know that your not alone and there are plenty of other mums who feel the same. Even the mums who go out everyday to avoid that feeling are feeling it too. Don’t believe everything you see online because not all stay at home mums are all sunshine and rainbows all the time. You can feel alone but know that you’re not alone.

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