Something I’m not ashamed to say is my mental health has changed so much since having a baby. Some ways in the better and some ways not so good. It’s impossible not to change after having a child and I find that nobody talks about the positives it has on your mindset.
First of all I’m going to start with your expectations of yourself. When you have a baby all you do is compare yourself to other parents, your parents, people you’ve never even met onlines parenting abilities and it’s exhausting. Sometimes you may feel you’ve got to do better at being a parent and do things others are doing. E.g seeing mothers sending their kids to clubs and going on holidays. You think am I being a good mum not sending him to all these groups he wouldn’t even probably like? Am I stopping him learning about culture because I’m too hervous to board a plane with a child that insists on screaming on the floor if he doesn’t get what he wants. You think do I want to be like this parent and be like a child’s friend or be like another and more strict so he appreciates you more. You wonder if you’re doing well enough or if you could do better. It makes you anxious and worried. You spend time worrying that your child will fail and it’ll be your fault because of your failures and although they won’t as you know deep down your a good mum you can’t help but doubt yourself.
A positive is I’ve found I don’t really take anyone’s crap now. When someone expect my life to revolve around them or they’re being nasty now I don’t take it. I don’t want negativity and my negative thoughts around my child so I will just cut out people’s crap. I’m direct and tell people how I’m feeling and surprisingly I feel a stronger happier person when I do. I feel a weight lifted of my shoulders.
Your self image will change. Your body will naturally go through changes growing a baby so you’ll no doubt hate your body. Your skin and hair will look difffrent too. You’ll be self conscious where you weren’t before loving baby clothes instead of dressing to feel good about yourself. And this is probably the most common and saddest thing to happen to most mums. To go from this confident body loving queen to a shell of a woman who’s tenants left the body and took that bit of them with them.
I’m sleepy all the time which causes me to be stressed. I get upset when elijahs been a pain although I don’t show him, sometimes I have to have a good unwinding session before bed. Tantrums are very hard to deal with and the eyes of the public judging you while you struggle hard enough. Sometimes other people’s eyes make you angry and you want to snap but can’t. You have to find the energy to teach your child right and wrong. You need to teach them to deal with their emotions when you can’t even deal with yours. The responsibility is some next level stress.
You’ll probably socialise with people more. You’ll probably make some mum friends and you’ll get out more. You’ll feel happier to express yourself and confide in your friends. You’ll feel more positive having people you can relax and be yourself with. You’ll keep yourself busy and stop your mind wondering.
You’ll feel proud of your child and look at that smiling face. You’ll see you can do anything if you believe in it because your child believes in you. You’ll believe you can be loved. You can see your hard work pay off and feel a love and happiness like no other.
I’ve only touched on some of the ways having a child has affected me and their are so many other ways. I know I sound like I am complaining about being a mother, I am not. I love my child and being a mother more than anything it’s everything I’ve always wanted. But you have to realise that you do have emotions and they are going to change and it’s ok to talk about them rather then bottle them up inside and struggle alone. If you ever need help my inbox is always open.