Something I’d never thought I’d have is guilt for is having me time. As Elijah gets older his grandparents want him for the day more and it also gives me a little bit of a break to recharge. Although I need the time to destress, breath and normally clean the house there is always a element of guilt. I’m unsure why I feel guilty he’s having fun with family and he’s always asking do go to his nanny’s and grandads houses.
I think mainly it comes from other mothers complaining they don’t get a break ever. I feel bad for those mothers who never get a break as it can be quite healthy to have some me time and your child be it’s own person elsewhere too. It’s different then when you work and child has to be looked after but if I’m just sitting there having a cup of tea or catching up with friends I feel guilty. I also feel guilty because I feel like a bad mum, I feel like I’m abandoning him.
The days leading up till him going elsewhere I’m like bon voyage! See you soon! Especially when he’s on the floor rolling around because I won’t share a kit kat with him. But on the day he’s gone when I’ve woken and he has gone with his dad to his nanny’s I feel quite empty and out of place. I wonder if I’m a bad mum for sending him away does he think I don’t love him? Then I remember it’s silly to think these things and he is perfectly okay and always comes back trying to tell me what he’s done today! I think there’s a bit of stigma too to expect a child to be secured to your hip 24/7 when you can never be your own person anymore. You’re expected to give up every minute of your life having a child. It’s good to have time off because it allows you to be yourself again outside of a mum capacity even if you’re slobbed out on sofa with a cup of tea watching friends.