First of all I want to say a big thankyou for each and everyone of you who have took the time to look a my blog! I’ve hit over 1000 views and I couldn’t be any prouder that people actually want to read things I have to say!
This whole experience for me has just been a fun way to express myself and sort of relax in the form of blogging. I have always just blogged about anything that pops into my head no matter if I think I’ll get any likes or views on it! It’s been a bit daunting at times thinking “should I have written that?!” But then I remind myself this is my blog and my safe space. I’m a normal 24 year old stay at home mum and wife just trying to enjoy life as much as I can and blog a bit when I’m there! I want others to feel safe here too and know they are not alone in their feelings and can come here for both positive and negative things they may experience. I want to give people ideas on things to do and to eat aswell! With that I’m back to my cup of tea and kindle to enjoy some free time while Elijah is playing round his nans. So thank you again and stay tuned for more!
Tis the season to be spooky and it’s my favourite time of the year. I’ve been really excited to get Elijah into Halloween and autumn activity’s as he gets older so i decided this year is the year. I thought about doing a little party with his little friends so all his friends could dress up and have a excuse to eat lots of food looking adorable doing it.
We have arranged the party for a few days before Halloween at 3-6pm so that kids will of had their naps and can have food and come and go as they please. Were just going to make a buffet and guests have offered to bring a dish each to make up more food which i guess will feed the parents (meaning me) too.
Where did i get all my bits from for the party? I got them all, yes all from poundland. It all came to ten pounds and for the food i estimate will cost me 15 so a whole party for 7 kids for 25 pounds is pretty cheep i think. I brought balloons for the toddlers to kick about and take home. Some hangable decorations to decorate the room and make it a bit more spooky but child friendly. I only brought things i wouldn’t scare kids so cute little monsters are perfect for this and not scary atall. I brought a table cover, plates and napkins for kids to dish up their food and also a big bucket for candy which can be used after for trick or treaters. The two lanterns can be used as house decorations at autumn times and used for decoration for the party too.The led light ghost changes colours aswell as the projector so can light and project patterns around the room!
It’s official yesterday was the first day of autumn! My favourite season is finally here and i can go full out chunky knit/ long sleeved goodness. I may even send james to the loft this weekend to swap my summer clothes for my winter clothes i’m that excited! The weathers getting cooler the days are getting darker and its the time of the year i can feel comfortable in my own skin layered up in a massive woolly jumper and jeans and some uncomfortable ass boots that look gorgeous on!
So i have already started my shopping with some lovely new candles from tk maxx. DW home and sand+fog are my favourite candles even over Yankee candles and i love buying them! The fragrance is so strong and when burning smells even stronger. They last a long term burning away and sometimes last weeks burning every night. The smell is strong but not strong enough to give you a headache like some candles do. The glass jars look beautiful as well.
Heirloom pumpkin smells lovely like spice something like a pumpkin spice smell. It smells a little sweet and is a calming smell and feels really homey.
Trick or treat smells exactly like fresh apples. Apples are such a autumn smell as reminds me of candy apples. Something i didn’t at all expect from a Halloween smell but it smells fresh and like something yummy being cut to make a cake.
Toffee apple smells like a burnt toffee smell. Like toffee popcorn more than a pumpkin but again smells like being inside a coffee shop and very cosy.
I CANNOT recommend the Dw candles enough they are an american brand so hard to get a hold of but whenever i head to tk maxx they are always stocked to the brim and for 12:99 for a large candle which isn’t even the size of these big ones it’s super worth it!
One thing i find quite often since having a child is the gender roles women and men are placed into. The man goes out to work and is the one with the least responsibilities for the child while the woman is expected to not only look after the child but the dad/ house and entire world all of the sudden. Don’t get me wrong there are dads out there that are not hands on dads, who see it as the mothers job to look after the child/ them and that may work for some family’s. But i feel it is a awful amount of stress to put on someone.
When we planned having Elijah we always knew we would be a team. I have always said we are team and so has James. When he was born we have always been equal in what we do as much as we can. Ever since the early days James spending time with his son would be referred to as baby sitting. People would say to me when i was at work ” oh is the dad baby sitting?” or if James took Elijah out just them two for some bonding time the comments ” i see your baby sitting” or “i see you got left with the baby” is said. Why is the world still so sexist? I’m still a big believer in the fact that mum and dads should be equal.
I didn’t have a dad growing up until i was about 9 so having just one parent i missed out and longed for so much growing up. I was jealous of people spending time with their dads or people being walked to school by their dads. It was just the little things like when my brothers were born hearing them having dad (stepdad) read to them at night reminded me on how much i missed out on. So i guess that is why now its really important to me and to James that we do things together and make memories together aswell as having our own time with our son and specific jobs.
One thing i find is such a touchy subject is nappy changing. For some reason people make such a big deal about it. Its poop and pee clean it and get over it. Nobody bats a eyelid if the mum changes the nappy and immediately hands the baby to the mum to change a dirty nappy even if the dad is in front of them. We have had comments made about how James changes his nappy like it’s my job to change every nappy he ever fills. I just want to put it out there that yes a man can change a nappy. It is not weird. It is not for girls. It is taking care of your child. I also have found numerous times when we have gone out and James has offered to change Elijah nappy that he cannot do it because toilets in public are not always accessible to men changing a nappy. This means that there is no where to change a baby other that inside a womans changing room and that is the womans job. James has had to come home early once when he took Elijah to a play centre because there was no mens nappy changing facility so Elijah had to sit in a soiled nappy. This is so wrong on so many levels i can’t even comprehend why all places don’t just pay the few quid for a extra table in a mens toilet or disabled toilet. I always think as well what about those poor dads that have lost their partner/ or in a relationship with a man and cannot change their baby it must be absolutely terrible for them.
Taking time to do things like bath time, reading, playing games, dressing should be done by both parents so that they get to enjoy both of your company at different times or together.I cannot ever be more proud of James than when he is looking after Elijah. It is so lovely to see him and Elijah doing things together and Elijah really enjoys it. James is so hands on and i couldn’t imagine him not being. It’s nice that Elijah goes to daddy for things as much as mummy and can be soothed by the both of us.
Maybe one day we will live in a world where men are thought as much as a parent as the mum but for now we don’t. Hopefully things will change a bit more one day and dads will step up a bit more when they don’t if there wasn’t so much stigma around it. I want to raise Elijah to know its okay to be a man and look after a child and develop good relationships with his kids when they’re older if he chooses to have them. With that i’m off to go quietly sob at the fact that James came home from work early and Elijah screaming yeah that he woke him up from his nap not me and its the cutest thing ever while i type this out proving my point that daddys you mater!
Moving house is expensive especially when trying to make it your own. There is no real rush when you move into redecorate every last inch of it and that’s something I’ve lived by.
I enjoy taking our time and deciding what we want and setting aside a day to achieve it. When we moved into our house I was pregnant and the thought of any real decorating exhausted me. When we moved in we ripped out the bathroom floor and relayed it, scrubbed away the limescale and mould build up and basically disinfected everything then we painted the ceiling and wood and walls from a disgusting magnolia to grey. I love that grey and yellow are my favourite colours so I’m lucky they go together so well! We then brought some art work which are a few vintage bits and newer bits in a vintage style in different colours to bring colour. We then brought loads of storage I brought 2 units, a under the sink unit and another one with a drawer and cupboard and shelf. I also brought a mirror cabinet and some lovely metal black baskets to organise our stuff on the shelf of a cabinet.Slowly I brought ornaments like my trailing artificial plant and my succulent artificial plant and my soap dish with soap on! I brought my shower curtain from IKEA which is white and black with a nice monochrome pattern. The mat is grey and from primark it’s so soft and easy to wash too! I brought a lovely Toilet brush which is also grey but hidden away as I hate them on display! A toilet caddy for cleaning products next to the toilet that matched the rest of my white cabinets gives even more storage and looks good too better then bleach on display! When I was 9months pregnant I painted the hallway a dark purple. I hated it a month later never paint pregnant. Although the bathroom looked amazing.
A few months later I repainted the hallway a nice pastel green which looks ten times better. I plan to get a big print done of my wedding photos with everyone in to scatter through my hallway. Next job was the kitchen. We repainted all the cupboards and up cycled them. We then painted the tiles again to save wastage on getting new tiles when nails where just in need of love. We painted the walls a olive green which looks way better than it sounds and kept with a shabby chic style where we got sage green blinds and sage green oven kits and tea towels with ducks on them to match from dunelm. We have a few chalk boards with wooden backing as art work in here aswell as a wooden heart and a chalkboard beer opener which was a gift for James last Xmas. We are looking into getting a chrome sink after our granite one limescaling terrible due to a bust tap.
All of our flooring has stayed the same in kitchen, living room,bedrooms as recently latex and still looks good. We are in process of picking new carpet and underlay for stairs and hallway.
Elijahs nursery was originally painted dumbo themed but we moved him rooms into the bigger room when a small but of mould grew in the room which I treated but was too nervous to keep him in there with! We moved him into his play room/wardrobe room which is now his bedroom where he has a massive open ikea wardrobe, dinosaur stickers, jungle animal curtains and lampshade. One green feature wall makes it look great. We brought Wall stickers from eBay and stuck them up and they look great. We also ordered a personalised Jurassic park sticker with Elijahs name on. My cousin is a artist so she made 3 personalised art work dinosaurs for him which are in frames and a sign with his name with those dinosaurs behind them I know that nobody else will have this art work which is nice. We do love the dinosaur and jungle theme we’ve went for as now he absolutely adores both. They also compliment each other quite well. He also has a tippee and a long rug we have in a corner with his bean bag and pillows next to his bookshelf where we lay for story time every night. It’s my favourite thing to do. We also have some dinosaur fairy lights Elijah got from his auntie last year which we some times turn on with his ikea cloud lamp. We will completely paint this room properly at somepoint as we’ve not repainted it just decorated with art and bits but we will wait till Elijah is three and we know what he likes!
Today we did the living room. We have a living room with a dinning room attached which I love as its open means there’s more space and toys can be hidden at bedtime better. We’ve for ages wanted to paint all walls and sort the doors out as they’ve been yellow with age. So today we took on the mammoth task and three of us managed to pint the living room grey and do the skirting boards, radiator,doors and more! The room looks amazing now and I love it it’s something I’ve wanted for ages. We will keep dinning room section as is for now and just recover the white at some Point and do the skirting board when we have the time. But for now it’ll do and still looks lovely and we might even wallpaper a feature wall when we can be bothered. We have styled our living room just with things we like really and yellow accessories. The living room is more modern and the dinning room is more relaxed shabby chic/modern. But for now here’s a before and after picture, I’m off to bed exhausted and happy with our work and how much our house feels like our home.
One thing I’ve done since taking a cleanse of social media is read more. My books that I have been buying but not “having the time to read” had been gathering dust on my overcrowded book shelf.
Since giving up social media for my mental health I’ve had so much time! After cleaning the house I have so much free time now so I choose to read a book or watch a tv or both at same time loosely listening or reading. I read all sorts and I’m currently in between two books. I’m taking a break from reading the flat share mainly because I left it downstairs one night and couldn’t be bothered to fetch it so started a new book. I am hooked at the moment reading the tattooist of auschwitz which I’m reading on my kindle. I’ve polished of three books in the last week I have not been glued to my phone and it’s amazing I feel my brain working and like I’m transported somewhere else where the stress just disappears while i am in my imagination.
I’ve also been brought a new kindle from my lovely husband which I adore. My old kindle had been broken for a year and in usable and I hate using kindle on iPhone/iPad/kindle fire as the blue light gives me a headache and I’m tempted to go on social media or I get a notification and I’m distracted. This way it’s comfortable and feels lighter than my phone and I have a unlimited library for my books instead of my bookshelf’s pile either side that’s growing.
One thing I will recommend to anyone who’s feeling particularly stressed. Get off your phone. Search for a good book and read it. Take your time it’s no rush and relax let your mind escape and focus on something else. It also gives you something positive to talk about other than what you’ve seen of Facebook/ Twitter or instagram today.
The question every mother will get asked straight after ripping/or popping a giant watermelon sized child out of them. I think I was asked 3 days after I had Elijah and he was still very unwell at the time and the thought of me giving any attention to anything else than my son and thinking of having another child was complete madness to me. As he gets older more and more ask. Every time I see family I still get the are you having another one? Just do it now it’s easier when they’re younger! Oh go on! Elijah needs company he’s lonely! I know people never mean anything by it but it is ok to say no I don’t want another one (yet or maybe ever).
People should really think before asking this question. First of all that person could just not want any other kids and that’s their choice they should not be guilted into children they don’t want and could consequently the mother and children suffer because of this. Secondly they could be struggling with infertility, they could be trying everyday and this could really hurt them hearing these comments and feel like a failure. They could also have issues that could cause infertility and taking control by choosing not to try and the reminder makes them question whether they even could and loose that control. Thirdly sometimes people can’t afford it. People forget the cost of a child and when you throw another one in the mix you can’t treat the first one as much do things as much and sometimes you have to move to a bigger house too. Also people won’t typically watch two children at once so childcare will go out the window and your child may suffer from seeing people less because there’s a baby and unfair to the baby too.
Do I want another baby? At the moment I’m unsure. At the moment I think no. I want my son to enjoy being a baby and giving him my undivided attention. I missed out on so much went I sent him to nursery that I only have a good year before nursery starts part time, then full time then school. I want him to understand a brother or sister aswell I want him to be involved in the choice too. If we asked him if he wanted a brother or sister I’d listen to his view as much as I could because I remember being a only child going to one of three. No I do not resent my brothers for being born if that’s what you’re thinking. At the moment I’m scared I can’t have anymore either so I don’t want to try and be upset too as I suffer with endometriosis. I am petrified of having another csection and childbirth if not the case. I’m afraid of having two things to look after instead of one and I’m worried about all the fights they’ll have. For now it’s a no but I’m open to change in a few years. I definitely don’t think I would try until Elijah was in school because if want to give them both my time as much as possible not one more than the other but if it happened it happened I guess.
Suffering from mental illnesses and chronic pain can be a right stress sometimes. You have good days where you feel ok and bad days when you don’t. I have days where I feel I just need to take some me time and remember who I am and I am ok because anxiety has gotten on top of me. And I also have days where I am in unbearable pain and bed bound due to my endometriosis. As someone can’t see the illnesses they think everything’s ok. Because you’re not throwing up or missing two legs nobody actually seems to care.
Endometriosis is when the lining of your womb grows else where and can attract to other organs . When you have a period the material sheds the same but he nowhere to go so causes intense pain as you are essentially internal bleeding. Using the toilet can be horrific for both a wee and a poo. Having energy can be non existent so when I’m asked to go for a walk while I’m sat there essentially bleeding out don’t be offended when I say no. I’ve ended up with several hospital trips since having my son as it’s gotten worse after healing from my csection. I am lucky to of had a child but I could struggle in the future. I’ll do a more in depth blog post at some point as it’s not talked about I tell my friends I have it and they have no idea what it is.
Having mental illnesses can make you feel so many emotions and just plain awful. Say for example if you have a cold and you feel rotten you then take time of work? People suffering mental health illnesses feel the mindset of feeling rubbish all the time and it can create physical illnesses to by this. I’ve had tight jaws/ muscle trembling/fatigue/sleepless nights/headaches/catching illnesses from being down/stomach pain/ibs/reflux and much more. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean it’s not real and completely debilitating to that person. And if you are going through a unseen illness understand this. Your pain is real and I see you, I see your struggles and torture you go through everyday and although I can’t see it with my own eyes I can tell that it is there.
I was in primary school when I was hit by a car walking to school. I remember being flung into the air like a food wrapper in a gust of wind. I remember the thud as I came down and the shock. I remember people scrambling round me and crying for my mum. My bag had been ripped to shreds and my Lisa Simpson pencil case and lunchbox had possibly saved my life by the dents to the front of their tin cases.
I was okay of course I’m still standing today but I did break a finger, severely sprain my legs and possibly this is the cause for my back pain all my teenage an dying adult life being knocked to the side by a car can mess you up in ways you don’t see. The trauma it caused me remembering one what it was like to be me and two the poor young woman who hit me screaming in tears praying I was ok and clearly shaken up. Thirdly my thoughts where with her poor bunny that was going to the vets it had knocked into the windscreen as she’d stopped. When the ambulance came I remember being so scared I’d be in a accident on the way and didn’t trust cars for a long time. When I’m a passenger I’m over cautious and worry at any closeness to another car especially now I’m a mother with a car seat to worry about.
So why don’t I drive? Exactly this reason. I’ve taken around 8 driving lessons where I absolutely hated them. I had a panic attack every time I sat behind the wheel and every time a car came near or someone crossed the road or walked in the street. I worry I will hit them and it’ll be my fault. I worry I’m going to get hurt by another car and it all gets too much. I have a lot of people in my family telling me just to drive but unless you’ve been hit by a car as a child I don’t think you can really understand the trauma. It’s not as easy as just drive as I physically cannot trust myself behind a wheel if I was to have a panic attack so I jacked it in. It doesn’t effect me too much. I enjoy walking with Elijah to places and going on the bus sometimes. I only go to town which is fifteen mins from my house on a good day so it’s quicker than driving and parking and cheeper then paying fuel. If I go out with friends I normally bus to them or meet them or take turns coming to mine. My husband drives so at weekends or if errands or day trips are further a field we just drive then and we have two car seats one for me to take out with friends and one for our car. It’s all about making the best out of a bad situation and I’m yet to have a big problem yet.
Once they learn to walk there is nothing mote toddlers love to do more than explore. If you’re noticing your child getting increasingly more grouchy sometimes a trip out can be fun for everyone. One thing i find my toddler loves to do is explore. He loves to now pick up sticks and throw them and look for and point out all the animals. He also loves kicking around and throwing leaves in the air under a tree which has started to loose their leaves ready for the winter. Autumn is definitely my favourite time of the year and not just because of the return of gingerbread syrups and eating lots of comfort food. No i love autumn because of the temperature its cool enough you’re not hot or cold when going for a walk. You enjoy having a cup of tea after to enjoy where you’re warmed up and have that cosy warm inside feeling instead of being a hot sweaty mess. You get to wear cosy boots and wellies where you don’t get dirt under your toes of the sandels that look great on but have no practicality at all.
I always like to take my little boy for walks because that’s what me and his dad do. We always have loved walks and i want to teach him to love the world we are in. I like to go out and show him trees and wildlife. I like to point out pretty plants and views and tell him what they are. I want him to have a active life where we can instead of sitting around which we sometimes have no choice to do. I like to go to different places so we don’t get bored off the same view all the time.
Elijah loves running so we like to go and take him somewhere he can run loose and of course we chase as fast as we can to keep up with him. We normally take his trike with us so that if he is tired we can push him in his trike which he loves. We are quite lucky for where we live as there are lots of parks, nature walks, lakes, meadows and beaches short drives or walks away so we get to travel to new exciting places.
Walks are good for the well being and mind. Not only will you destress you’ll also feel more healthy. Its a activity of exercise for your toddler and you wont even know it! Talking toddlers through walks and pointing out things and chatting as you walk through is a great chance to learn. They’ll learn what things are and also chat to you as they go through with no distractions. It’s the perfect place for learning and taking in the full magnitude of the worlds beauty.
Sometimes we like going for walks to parks or places with play areas as there is nothing more our little guy likes more than completely going nuts. He loves climbing and going down the slide shouting “WEE” as loud as he possibly can. He giggles at high he goes on a slide and does a lot of exciting faces as he gets too excited using a toy stearing wheel on a model bike/ car or boat. We have one behind our house we try to go to regularly when hes good to have a run about and yes i mean behind my house i could jump my fence and be on the park. We like to spice things up tho we like to go to different parks so its different and the adventure is new. We like to try new places so it feels more like a day out and we will go with friends or weekends with daddy. The best thing about going for a walk is its a great bonding experience and memory making activity. Something ill always remember from my childhood is spending time in parks going for walks with friends and family. The fact that its free is just a plus!