Everyday I look in the mirror and wonder why I haven’t woken up skinny again and how it’s just not fair. My body image is something I really struggle with and don’t think I ever will accept either. I never paid attention to my weight gain because it was too late. Illnesses, pregnancy and work related stress all contributed to this body that won’t just pop back into place.
I try to live healthy I can be healthy all week, exercise, eat right and then I see no weight loss and end up reaching for the just eat app or raiding my cupboards to put it all back on again. I’m a comfort eater and if something gets to me I instantly reach for food and it makes me feel better, chocolate, cakes, crisps and fried foods are my weakness and I’m not afraid to admit it.
It’s so hard to not gain weight after a baby. First of all you eat lots when pregnant no idea why but you do. After everything’s a quick instant meal when you can a takeaway here a chocolate bar there just so you can look after a baby and chase a toddler. You have no time to go to a gym or childcare. You can’t afford a gym pass either when you know you’ll go once a month if that. Taking the time to cook food is difficult when your toddler/ baby is screaming for attention. Your body can sometimes struggle to breakdown weight when tired and if not sleeping enough or suffering medical issues like me it’s even harder.
I’m constantly seeing posts from people who say love your post natal body! You’re body’s beautiful when these fake woman just want likes on their posts. You don’t love your flab, you don’t love your empty belly that’s still hanging away over your trousers. You don’t love your stretch marks that stretch across your body replacing your once soft and smooth skin. It is more than okay to hate your post natal body or if you can’t have children and have a jelly belly or stretch marks with no story to show it’s okay to. We let go and get comfortable in baggy clothes and eating to block out the pain but when is enough enough?
Today I decided enough is enough. After I’ve demolished my cakes and food this weekend I’ve brought I’m back on the diet and going to eat veg and healthy snacks when I’m feeling emotional. I’m going to exercise and wear and use the clothes and equipment I spent a small fortune on gathering dust. I feel good when I eat good and exercise my body just feels good.It’s gonna be hard work but I need to accept my body. I’ve done so well loosing so much weight that I’ve dropped 4 dress sizes which I’m proud of but the progress has been slow. I look at time hops and see how I used to look and I miss it so much when I didn’t worry about my weight and ate what I wanted. I accept my body. I don’t like it but I accept it and I will improve it. If not for me but for my health.