Are you going to have another one?

The question every mother will get asked straight after ripping/or popping a giant watermelon sized child out of them. I think I was asked 3 days after I had Elijah and he was still very unwell at the time and the thought of me giving any attention to anything else than my son and thinking of having another child was complete madness to me. As he gets older more and more ask. Every time I see family I still get the are you having another one? Just do it now it’s easier when they’re younger! Oh go on! Elijah needs company he’s lonely! I know people never mean anything by it but it is ok to say no I don’t want another one (yet or maybe ever).

People should really think before asking this question. First of all that person could just not want any other kids and that’s their choice they should not be guilted into children they don’t want and could consequently the mother and children suffer because of this. Secondly they could be struggling with infertility, they could be trying everyday and this could really hurt them hearing these comments and feel like a failure. They could also have issues that could cause infertility and taking control by choosing not to try and the reminder makes them question whether they even could and loose that control. Thirdly sometimes people can’t afford it. People forget the cost of a child and when you throw another one in the mix you can’t treat the first one as much do things as much and sometimes you have to move to a bigger house too. Also people won’t typically watch two children at once so childcare will go out the window and your child may suffer from seeing people less because there’s a baby and unfair to the baby too.

Do I want another baby? At the moment I’m unsure. At the moment I think no. I want my son to enjoy being a baby and giving him my undivided attention. I missed out on so much went I sent him to nursery that I only have a good year before nursery starts part time, then full time then school. I want him to understand a brother or sister aswell I want him to be involved in the choice too. If we asked him if he wanted a brother or sister I’d listen to his view as much as I could because I remember being a only child going to one of three. No I do not resent my brothers for being born if that’s what you’re thinking. At the moment I’m scared I can’t have anymore either so I don’t want to try and be upset too as I suffer with endometriosis. I am petrified of having another csection and childbirth if not the case. I’m afraid of having two things to look after instead of one and I’m worried about all the fights they’ll have. For now it’s a no but I’m open to change in a few years. I definitely don’t think I would try until Elijah was in school because if want to give them both my time as much as possible not one more than the other but if it happened it happened I guess.