Why I don’t drive.

I was in primary school when I was hit by a car walking to school. I remember being flung into the air like a food wrapper in a gust of wind. I remember the thud as I came down and the shock. I remember people scrambling round me and crying for my mum. My bag had been ripped to shreds and my Lisa Simpson pencil case and lunchbox had possibly saved my life by the dents to the front of their tin cases.

I was okay of course I’m still standing today but I did break a finger, severely sprain my legs and possibly this is the cause for my back pain all my teenage an dying adult life being knocked to the side by a car can mess you up in ways you don’t see. The trauma it caused me remembering one what it was like to be me and two the poor young woman who hit me screaming in tears praying I was ok and clearly shaken up. Thirdly my thoughts where with her poor bunny that was going to the vets it had knocked into the windscreen as she’d stopped. When the ambulance came I remember being so scared I’d be in a accident on the way and didn’t trust cars for a long time. When I’m a passenger I’m over cautious and worry at any closeness to another car especially now I’m a mother with a car seat to worry about.

So why don’t I drive? Exactly this reason. I’ve taken around 8 driving lessons where I absolutely hated them. I had a panic attack every time I sat behind the wheel and every time a car came near or someone crossed the road or walked in the street. I worry I will hit them and it’ll be my fault. I worry I’m going to get hurt by another car and it all gets too much. I have a lot of people in my family telling me just to drive but unless you’ve been hit by a car as a child I don’t think you can really understand the trauma. It’s not as easy as just drive as I physically cannot trust myself behind a wheel if I was to have a panic attack so I jacked it in. It doesn’t effect me too much. I enjoy walking with Elijah to places and going on the bus sometimes. I only go to town which is fifteen mins from my house on a good day so it’s quicker than driving and parking and cheeper then paying fuel. If I go out with friends I normally bus to them or meet them or take turns coming to mine. My husband drives so at weekends or if errands or day trips are further a field we just drive then and we have two car seats one for me to take out with friends and one for our car. It’s all about making the best out of a bad situation and I’m yet to have a big problem yet.

5 thoughts on “Why I don’t drive.

  1. I have not been hit by a car, but I understand where you are coming from with this and the reason why I cannot think about taking any further lessons to try and pass my test.
    Depending on how long you have been reading my blog, you will know, or not know of a double-death in my family. My cousin and her husband being instantly killed by a driver who had only passed his test 3 months prior.
    It was him and the road not being clearly marked in the direction he was coming from, that led to their deaths.

    The road they died on, finally, marked accordingly and a lower speed in place.


    1. Oh no that’s horrific. I don’t think a lot of people think about people’s personal reasons for not driving and how it can affect them it’s a big thing driving a big machine. I hope you are okay xx


      1. Thank you. It was very distressing for me and I found it extremely difficult for nearly the two years after in particular because of police investigations and court case. It affected me physically in a few ways, one that only still present since all that, is my sensitivity to sound.
        I still miss them and it can hurt at times.

        I couldn’t bear the responsibility of being behind the wheel and it’s cheaper for me to not drive.
        There are some who have said maybe not now, but later you may want to drive. But no. I’m not interested. Xx


      2. And that’s completely okay! If you’re sure in what you want then that’s ok some people jump of airplanes for fun and some people scream at the thought. Driving a motobike people will say they don’t want their husbands driving one of them things which can be same as driving a car! X

        Liked by 1 person

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