Today I felt like a bad mum.

Today I felt like a bad mum.

Elijah is currently in that testing boundaries stage. He’s learning what is acceptable and what is not. Today he’s been arguing with me constantly and speaking to me like rubbish. It’s very hard to ignore when he’s being so naughty especially just because he has friends over or because he just doesn’t want to do anything. there has been a lot of him raising his voice and screaming and counting me down when I’m trying to tell him of. The most annoying has to be the sarcasm and the ignoring of me or telling me no in response. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this because his facial expressions or sometimes immediately apologises.

However I felt like a bit of a bad mum when Elijah decided to scream his head off in the middle of a shop today and try to pull all the tins down and laugh about it. It was hard not to take it personally when he screamed and shouted at me all day like I’d done something wrong to cause this awful mood towards me. It was hard not to feel embarrassed when Elijah refused to walk and decided laying on the pavement was better despite my telling and pleading. It was hard to not raise my voice when he found appropriate throw all his toys at me and against things.

I find it really hard sometimes to not take his mood seriously. Obviously I know he loves me and doesn’t mean to upset me but I think when you’re so close to someone and spend every waking minute of his day with him it is more than possible to take it personally. If it was an adult treating you this way you would feel quite hurt and angry. I’ve started to tell Elijah now that he has upset me when he is being naughty. I tell him if things he says or does is unkind and that I am upset by his behaviour. Normally this will make him apologise as I would apologise to him if I was rude or upset him. Sometimes I feel mean when I tell him of so often but I think it’s important to teach children boundaries when they start pushing them so that they learn what’s acceptable and not at a age where they can understand and it becomes their behaviour.

I know in reality its a stage and it’s not forever but it doesn’t half feel like forever. I just have to remember to focus on the positives and enjoy the lovely moments while they last! I know in reality i’m not a bad mother but i can’t help feeling like i am. Here’s to a positive tomorrow!

(ps… I wrote this a few days ago and his behaviour has been better today and yesterday! I was able to relax a bit and understand his behaviours and enjoy being a mum a bit more!)

Our first class at little kickers.

Our first class at little kickers.

After five months on the waiting list we finally got offered a place for the little kickers weekly classes. We have been excited to get him onto the class after we decided to stop swimming lessons due to parking and repetitiveness of the classes each week. We wanted to join a group that would be fun and teach him how to work with other children to work on his team work and communication. We saw a while ago a few celebrities had taken their children to little kickers and rugby tots so we decided we would try little kickers as they had a class near by.

So today we got to start lessons and it was quite a lovely little lesson. The coaches are very kind and lots of fun, the children adore them. The classes use lots of props and equipment such as cones, goals, mats, whistles, balls, teddies and mats. Today the kids where taught to shoot goals,pass balls and do obstacle courses. They also used play to teach them skills and control with the ball and speed.The children where all of the same age so it was lovely that there was no expectation of the children and their where all there just to play together and have fun. The lessons are not overly expensive at 30 a month and the classes are intimate too for more hands on lessons.We really enjoyed the session and Elijah was smiling and giggling the whole time. He really looked adorable in his little outfit to and we are excited for next weeks session. The best part was when the children where all given a high five and a sticker for doing a good job! Elijah was very proud of himself and had to show everyone for the rest of the day!

Why I’ve decided to block news reports and tabloids from my timeline.

Why I’ve decided to block news reports and tabloids from my timeline.

Following the very recent spades of deaths of celebrities due to suicide from the news i have really come to notice just how toxic the news can be. They take joy from causing and reporting on others sorrows. They go beyond what is acceptable in taking every last bit of privacy from someone and pulling everything about them and their character apart. The worst thing is what are people achieving reading these articles? A closer look into someones private life? To pass unsolicited judgement? To knowingly cause pain and humiliation? There really is nothing to gain from glorified gossip.

The worst thing recently has been noticing just horrid strangers can be because they are hiding behind a computer screen. The blame doesn’t all lie with the tabloid/press but the public. When they publish articles on social media there is ALWAYS a comment section. The comment section is a disgusting place where people become vile horrible people because they are saying things from behind a screen or even on a fake profile. You can really see how horrible the world is when these comments are littered with judgement, racism, sexism and everything else vile that the world runs on.

Take the Meghan Markle situation for example. A woman (already rich and famous) fell in love with a prince like a true fairy tale. She gave up everything which made her who she was to marry him. She devoted her love and kindness to the country and in response was treated like dirt. Why? Nobody really knows. Whereas Kate, also a commoner is praised like a god. The press have ripped every single little shred of detail about her life and aired it for everyone to see. They have changed public opinion on her and have allowed repeated hate speech and influenced peoples opinions. They have aired and given time to her family to humiliate and deeply hurt her when she herself made the decision to cut them of due to their toxicity. This has allowed the public to know her dark secrets, to form a opinion she is this cold person when she is such a giving woman who devotes time and HER own money and time to charity. The way the press has hounded her has caused her to leave the country. But even this is not enough as this morning i saw the press and public ripping her apart for wearing a eco friendly coat because it was expensive.Again nobodies business but their own.

I feel the press can be a brilliant thing it can update you on the news and controlled happy stories can really be a nice read. However recently its just became a place for trolls to gather and spread their hate. So for now i will be taking a break from reading the news because other peoples business is not my own. I don’t want to judge others lives or get upset with other peoples opinions on others. I have noticed since i haven’t had news on my timeline i am no longer concerned with other peoples dramas and just only aware of what is going on with people i want to know and their happy news instead of the darkness of the web. Always think before you like, retweet and comment. Spread kindness not hate.

February’s Birchbox

February’s Birchbox

It’s that time again! And boy do I get excited for that little pink box to come to my door! The great thing about birch box is the complete surprise down to until it arrives at your door basically! After having a pretty busy day I was thrilled to come home to my package and sneak a peak inside.

A few days ago I received this lovely little box which I presume is Valentine’s Day themed with all the pink and reds and heart print box! I adore the box design as it reminds me of my Emma bridgewater bits so have kept it to organise bits in my drawer! The box had tissue paper shreds so it made a nice change although I found it a bit wasteful as what was I to do with it? That aside a lovely presented box this time around with everything inside matching with the colours! So I’ve tried all the products so here’s a bit of a review too!

Amika exfoliating shampoo, this is to exfoliate your scalp while you was your hair basically. I really didn’t like the feeling of it and I had to rinse a lot to soap up but I can confirm my scalp felt good but I probably won’t be purchasing in the future.

Lip mask! I was sceptical as I’ve seen these advertised and thought wow people just want to look silly… but I tried it to see what all the fuss us about. It felt really nice when I put it on and felt nice and cooling and odd. When. I took it off I was so surprised it had made a small difference. My lips looked fuller and perkier without looking fake. I have small lips so I felt great!

Lord and berry lip pencil. A lovely pencil that does the job the red is a very good stain and can be used with other lipsticks to define or on own as more of a tint. Is a little drying but if you moisturise first it’s all good!

The blush wasn’t really my colour so I’ve given to my mother who she says is quite lovely but when I tried it on although I looked a bit toasted the formula is lovely and soft!

Space masks. Although they’re only single use they are so calming and soothing. As I struggle with sleep this was the perfect item to receive ! I instantly felt calmer and relaxed with it on. My eyes felt relaxed and heavy. I soon fell to sleep in a tranquil state like being at a spa!

I hope you enjoyed my post and I’ll see you soon for more!

Emotional abuse does effect someone in the long run.

Emotional abuse does effect someone in the long run.

Since starting counselling I’ve really been able to find myself and explore bits of myself I’ve hidden away. While I experienced physical abuse as a child from other people around me I also experience emotional abuse. I think in the long run the physical abuse was easier than the emotional.

Once apon a time I was happy, in my childhood. As all children are they’re full of innocence and have a fun loving attitude to the world. But children are also sponges. I soaked up everyone’s negative energy, negative comments and abusive words. It slowly twisted around and moulded me into who I am today. Someone who is afraid to upset anyone, someone who gets hurt to easily, someone who takes everything possible to offence and someone who is afraid to let someone in and ruins relationships with others through this.

Little things count as child abuse/emotional abuse. I don’t think people really understand what they are doing is going to upset someone and cause hurt in the long run. It’s tho he like apologising for behaviour that can help someone move on from this. Emotional abuse is the act of saying or doing things to upset someone on purpose. To say comments or minipulate someone so that their feelings are hurt or to get something someone wants. With me I was bullied quite a lot. I was called weird a lot in school. I was WEIRD because I was trying to be happy all the time so people couldn’t see my sadness. I was WEIRD because I was worried about others opinions on me all the time and i was trying to be liked. I had comments made on my appearance and my style. In the long term it’s caused me to be self conscious and worried about my looks constantly in everything. Comments said to me in my teenage years really got to me when told “you’re so ugly”, “you’re so spotty nobody will like you, you ugly freak”. I was called Rudolph for years when my rosacea was at its worse and my nose was constantly bright red and swollen which made me not want to look in mirrors or leave the house.

I think a lot of my issues with trust have come from not being able to trust anyone. constantly being shouted at and having constant personal comments have made me somewhat scared to have human interaction. If I’m in any sort of situation of arguement or something like that I basically have a panic attack and have anxiety attacks for days loosing sleep constantly replalaying situations in my head. I worry why people don’t like me and if I’ll upset someone with everything I do. I’ve also started to care of people don’t like me and it cripples me when people don’t and I try my hardest to please. I’ve made cakes for people, brought gifts for people, I’ve tried to use presents to buy people’s love and affection. I struggle to make friends and trust people. I struggle to keep friends too as I worry someone will hurt me again. I worry I’ll be abandoned by family and friends all the time and it causes me to hate any form of confrontation or negativity. I put up with people negative attitudes and emotional abuse even now because I’m so afraid of loosing people and upsetting someone by not putting up with it.

The good thing about counselling has been that I’ve been able to accept what’s happening around me and that this behaviour isn’t normal. I’ve started calling people out on things that upset me so I don’t allow myself to be hurt as much and so people can understand that this behaviour is not okay. I’ve started to retaliate when people say horrid things to me and say them back. Why should I just sit there and take it when I’m not the one in the wrong? I’ve accepted not everyone is going to like you and that is okay. You can’t buy love and that’s okay too. I’ve learnt that trust is my biggest issue and that everything comes back to trust. I have built up walls that are very hard to get down and it’s not others fault that I don’t let them in. Being mistreated is not okay and it’s okay to have feelings about it.

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel sad/hurt by negative emotions and words towards you.

The way I’ve been treated all my life has allowed me to be a better parent. I try to bring my son up as much as I can. I praise him all the time and constantly tell him how loved and good he is. I don’t scream at him when he’s being bad or get personal when he is being bad. I don’t hold on to anger towards him and move on from stress and negative feelings for the best of both of us. I explain bad behaviour is not okay and why. I tell him that I understand why he feels a certain way and that it is okay but there are ways to deal with it. I give him a lot more of my attention and don’t make him feel he has to earn it. I teach him to play nicely with other children and call him AND other children up if they are being unkind or hurtful to someone else. I don’t allow others to get him down too and try to limit contact with people who are negative for him to be around or make him upset or feel unwanted such as people not wanting to see him when repeatedly asked. I call people out when they are perhaps being hurtful and saying things that aren’t right that might hurt Elijahs feelings or teach him to hurt others. Things such as older family talking about race and culture I cut them off and explain infront of Elijah that race isn’t a thing that matters and that we love everyone.

At the end of the day we’re human and we are wired to feel so strongly so when things are said. Negative attitudes projected on you constantly and aggression towards you lingers in the back of your mind when situations get tense it is completely normal to feel bad. We also need to take responsibility and not project our negativity on others and apologise why we do. We can find people are more understanding why you are and behave a certain way, you’re not asking for sympathy but understanding that you take your time letting people in and they will never fully be let in. You are also okay to say you are upset and need time to yourself. You can have a break from people and negativity. It is not selfish and it doesn’t matter who it is. You are the most important person in the world as you are living your life not body else. You only live one life so take care of you and then you can take care of others.

Remember to always to be kind. You never know what your negativity can do someone in the long run. Apologise when you do wrong and love with all your heart but only who deserves it!

Using a children’s centre

Using a children’s centre

I’ve the years Elijahs been with us (and growing in my tummy) we’ve been to quite a few children centres and classes. A children’s centre is basically like a mini nursery class where there’s play activity’s and it’s free or sometimes a very small charge depending on what it is. We’ve been to quite a few and used to go weekly to one group close to us at a near by hall but it was only open until Elijah was walking so we had to stop going. We recently tried a new one and it is only about a twenty minuite walk. This new group is in the same place we did our hypnobirthing and a few community centre baby sensory classes in the early days. There was in and outdoor play and Elijah loved it. It had climbing frames, crafts tables, sensory items and outdoor toys and plenty of sensory bits. He spent all his time outdoors playing with balls, slides and other children. I think it is so important that children are around other children as much as they can because it is so good for their social development. I think it helps them make friends and also adjust to nursery/school life earlier. I’m quite lucky to have a boy who loves socialising and I think it may be due to always taking him out with other children as much as we can.

Although we love a bit of soft play and going out with our friends it’s become clear over the years that we want to try new things and make more friends. I think it’s nice to make mummy friends because your child has a friend and you do too. I think it’s easier to make new friends with mothers too because they understand what you’re going through and are easier to make plans with as it doesn’t require childcare for the day. You also can relate and talk about your kid which all parents love to do even if they say they don’t.

I think i will be taking Elijah weekly because he loved it so much and it was full of children. I enjoyed going out of my comfort zone, I’ve put it off quite often due to being anxious about new people but I went anyway and loved it. Lots of mums chatted to me while our children played and it was nice to have conversations with someone new. It was a great exsercise for Elijah too as he spent two hours running around and chasing other children and showing them things. It gave us play ideas we could do at home too such as sensory play with leaves and a mud kitchen. I’m all for anything that gets us out the house especially if it’s free. So why not look at your local children’s centre classes and try something new. We also go on the play bus too sometimes which is run by our children’s centre and Elijah loves it! He gets to sit and play on a bus which has a slide, dress up, colouring, toys and even a sandpit. It’s also a double decker bus which is very colourful which is a definite plus. Why not try something new and use a children’s centre. Remember it’s funded by the government so if you don’t use it, it won’t get funded. Use it or lose it!

How I handle my toddlers mood swings.

How I handle my toddlers mood swings.

The terrible twos have got that reputation for the very reason that they can be terrible. Your child is growing at an amazing rate and is struggling to cope with all the information they are taking in. remember in school when you would get frustrated with all the information you’re taking in that’s your child constantly. Even when they’re asleep they’re little minds are growing and learning. So it’s only natural and completely understandable that they explore their emotions and push boundaries as they do this to learn what behaviours are acceptable too. And of course you are not a terrible parent if you get frustrated. You’d have to be such a saint not to get stressed when somebody screams, throws things at you and throws themselfs on the floor in public day after day. You are not a bad parent for sometimes raising your voice or getting overwhelmed and having a tear or two after being on your own all day and not being able to have five minuites to yourself.

I have days like this too. Things get too much and sometimes I snap and have a cry or get upset. But that’s normal as a human we feel so deeply so we feel others struggles and also feel a bit overwhelmed when anger is taken out on us all day. But it’s how we deal with this everyday that can make or break us. When Elijahs mid tantrum now I will calmly tell him what he’s doing is wrong and not acceptable behaviour. I tell him I understand he is upset and why he is upset and then I walk away and give him a moment. This allows me to breath and calm down too so he doesn’t see me upset as this can make him worse. I then repeat myself and do this again. If I do crack sometimes as we all do and have shouted at him when things have calmed down later I will apologise for shouting and explain why I did. I want a relationship with him where he learns to apologise for bad behaviour and also to understand that I don’t hate him and why I behaved how I did. I feel when I was younger I would of appreciated this being done to me so I try to do this as much as I can. At the end of a hard day I like to go into his room and watch him sleep for a minute while he’s calm and still. I try to just breath and take him in. That it’s all worth it. So if you’re having a hard time just watch them sleep for a minute and remember what you’re doing this for. You’ve got this mamas and papas it’s hard but you’re growing a little person and it’s going to be hard nothing worth while is ever easy.